Saturday, July 22, 2006
100!
yeah i took a really long time to hit 100 posts didn't i. hurr. anyway i notice i haven't blogged much besides song lyrics and quotes recently. so i'll try to blog properly.
seems like i've been fluctuating between 7 and 17 recently.. between immaturity and less immaturity. i think av said that i sometimes act 27? i don't know. seems like that bit of me has gone into hibernation or something.
i think its really strange some of the moods that i go through everyday. i mean. so many different emotions triggered by the same thing. and well. it's just odd. that you can feel so many different and sometimes conflicting things for one thing alone. well that didn't really make sense did it.
finally went back for the catholic morning meetings on thurs after my jaunt to alaska, as jarrod put it. i told him that it was actually the north pole. oh well. anyway we did the sacredspace thing, and the verse was matthew 11: 28-30.. i guess it really means a lot to me now, esp since i'm like. facing a somewhat difficult period now, relationship/work/cca wise. and struggling to find myself i guess, after that strange week of disillusionment that i had (and that bus ride with av that i'll be totally thankful for). it said a lot to me, about always being able to let go and let God.. and when the going gets tough you know that he'll always be there for you. so yeah. quite encouraging.
think another point that jarrod brought up was that situations become easier when you stop trying to use your own imperfect love, and just let God's love flow through you instead.. and that made a lot of sense to me that day. and i guess i'll try to remind myself everyday to do that, especially when i feel that i can't seem to love anyone anymore.
spent some time today with my parents. went for supper after my prayer meeting.. i think i really don't spend enough time with them.. for goodness sakes i don't even know what they're doing now.. except that my mum is doing 3 part-time jobs for 2 months. i don't know what my father does except that he does housework at night.. and i don't think they know much about me either. well this month is supposed to be family awareness month, at least for my parish.. so i think it's really time that i get to know them better.. i mean i might not get so close to them as to end up telling them all my woes and all my girl problems (theoretical, of course =P) and everything.. but i just wanna get to know them again, and to be able to see someone more than just "my mother/father the stranger" at home.
i think all the problems came in about sec 1/2, when i started becoming awfully rebellious for whatever strange reasons that teenagers have for doing such things.. peer influence or whatever. and then we really really drifted apart until like. the end of last year? when i decided that i should really stop being so horrible.. but it's been quite hard, to be honest, to really love them the way God wants me to. and i'm sure i still fail almost everyday. but i just hope that God will continue to guide me through and i'll be able to get close to my parents again. yay.
okay i'm like doing a reflection on my life here. there's still a lot to think about larh, and i guess i have so much time to myself sometimes.. i should just think about all these things and sort myself out? instead of stoning around and imagining/getting depressed over totally unlikely situations. haha. i guess that's something i still gotta learn. time management. erm. but that's a little off the topic for today. haha.
oh and i'm just having a slight headache now. cuz i was looking through the tour vids for possible footage to use, and i realise reggie can't shoot video for nuts (i'm sorry reggie, but seriously, it's not like shooting a photo.. your shutter speed isn't in fractions of milliseconds). so yeah. get a tripod next time or something :PP okay that's all from me on my 100th post ^.^ cya next time. haha.
stained with coffee at 12:03 AM
