Coffee&Stained

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

more randomness.

work work work. but i never really seem to care haha. i dunno. maybe i should give more of a shit about work. like. yeahh. really. okay. talking. like. that. is. just stupid. so i shall stop it. i have pages and pages of "to do" but i never touch anything on it. even if i have time ><" like. i spent 1 hour sleeping in the damn library. and 3 hours StOnInG in front of the tv watching some tennis match (which wasn't really exciting) and how to lose a guy in 10 days (which is so sweet; really like it) again. and now i'm blogging. like omgdness. can't stand it.

anyway. more random stuff. i want a 7270! eeek. i want i want i want. someone get one for me.

i need to improve my listening! like. i'll try again tmr. monday was bad. cuz even if i shut up a bit i still can't hear. rarr. wen hao teach me. i need tutoring.

i need to DO WORK! rarr. okay. shall go now. sorry for the random stupid post.

But you never seem to see
i'll sing it in a love song.

but i already said my goodbyes.

stained with coffee at 10:35 PM

Sunday, March 27, 2005

happenings.

thursday
accoustics check/exchange with toh's other choirs at SCH [s'pore conference hall]. not really inspiring or anything. at least they showed that they can get their focus... but maybe a little too overfocused? or maybe the word "focus" was just misunderstood. everyone was pushing very hard. and it sounded very. harsh isn't really the word larh. rough? dunno. see larh. so hard to describe. it's just. not good. yeahh. anyway got recordings courtesy of SAC [shut up, yanheng. no comments from you]. maybe the recordings are bad or something. but it sounds bad. out of tune. and we don't gel together. pokpok was the worst. like. really really the worst. totally humiliating also. we got stopped after the first few bars [during performance!] cuz didn't get pitch. then stopped again close to the end cuz nobody was responding to him [conductor]. then repeated the whole last section. all still during the performance. like wtf lorh. we're really bad. and its not like it was in tune or anything. even the reapeat. like omg. and he [conductor] still said we did reeeaaalatively well. like. if that's relatively well then the syf standard must be reeeeaaaaally low.
oh. and i realise i'm suffering from "cluster syndrome" [my colourful term for toh's observation]. he said that if you put loud singers from the same section together they start trying to out-loud each other and stop listening to the overall sound so they just merrily go out of tune and blast the wrong notes and destroy everything. well i don't really subscribe to the out-louding part [or at least i don't think i do.. cuz i know i can't out-loud yanheng] but i'm starting to just tune to him and hek ding instead of listening to how i fit in and how i blend and all that.. and so my ears are like. totally insensitive now.. like. every1 can hear oh that side flat on that note or whoever whoever is sticking out but i can't. then every1 had so many comments about rjc's rehearsal [they went after us], about dunno where flat where out of tune where got problem where dun gel properly where the sound not correct etc etc and i'm like. it sounds perfectly fine to me what. irritating lorh. can't stand it. i wonder how i'm supposed to remedy that situation. considering i'm SL summore.. if i can't hear how the sound sounds like how am i supposed to teach anything? sighz. highly traumatising.

friday
good friday today. doesn't really make a diff since i've been staying at home the whole week anyway lolx. but i finally decided to touch my i-learning today! like. so happy lolx. i finished lit [there's nothing to do ><"] and chem [quite interesting larh] and i looked through everything else except maths. cuz i just overlooked it for some reason. haha. and i took one look at the chinese site and closed it lolx. so cheem. couldn't be bothered to read it yet. quite slack larh this i-learning ['cept for the chinese part larh.] hopefully can finish everything.
on to the religious part.
the service today was quite meaningful. i think i've really grown in my faith these couple of years.. it's really a wonderful experience. and really humbling too, cuz i realise just how great the love of God is for me, and how really unworthy i am of such love.. how i always seem to take His grace for granted, how i never really treat anyone properly, or with due respect, or how my pride causes me to shoot down poeple around me.. and i realise that no matter how much i try, in the end i cannot do it alone. i cannot become perfect without His help. only He can make me perfect. but it's so hard to surrender totally, because there's always some part of me which just doesn't want to give up. yeahh. it's just. a really enlightening experience. sort of.

saturday
ok shall just talk about the easter vigil service, cuz i think it really meant a lot to me. it was really a good service. it's one of the services where i feel good when i participate fully, and even though it's 3 1/2 hours and it's at night you don't feel tired or bored or anything. it was really a lot about God's love for us and how we can be saved and everything. basically the core of Christianity as a whole. the priest talked about his one experience in london where he met this group of islamic leaders with leaflets about their faith and how he tried to talk to them but how they just nattered on about how their faith is the one true faith and how every1 else was wrong for like 20 minutes. and he said that we should not be so focused on trying to prove that we're right and everyone else is wrong, or that our faith is the one true faith that everyone has to subscribe to or else you will suffer or something. how we should just try to live our faith, and through our lives show the world what it means to be Christian, to let our lives be the light to the world. and he said [highly controvertial point here] that perhaps we should not consider all of us to be of different religions, that we are muslims or christians or jews, but that we are all people of God, and that we are all resurrected. highly philosophical which i don't really get. shall need to ask him what he meant. but all in all a really meaningful celebration. its times like these that really make me feel happy to have this faith.

stained with coffee at 12:17 AM

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

s|ipping awaY.

goodbye to you
goodbye to everything that i knew
you were the one i loved
the one thing that i tried to hold on to

but it was just like trying to hold on to the wind.

stained with coffee at 9:59 AM

Friday, March 18, 2005

sighz.

and as we look back on the 1 week break, we realise in horror [well not really. it's so usual and normal that we aren't surprised by it] that we have done.... NoTh|nG.

yepp. all those interesting little resolutions that we put down on paper or we think up in our minds just never seem to get us anywhere. and it's really frustrating. but not at all unexpected. so why don't we ever change? it's so useless. and yea, all i'm doing is sitting in front of the com, ranting away and getting myself all worked up and not doing anything about it. surprised? i think not.

last year in ri liao. last year in sec 4. most important year and i'm slipping deeper and deeper into the realms of slackerism. help. i need a lifeline.

stained with coffee at 11:40 PM

Thursday, March 17, 2005

the noted quoted.

haha. today's interesting quote comes from chen yanheng, ultimate ri buaya/flirt and relationships guru [whoever needs a shoulder to cry on cuz your boyfriend is daoing you, look no further than chen yanheng!].haha. anyway what he said is this:

"i don't go for looks. looks are just a bonus. but somehow it seems that i always get the bonus."

haha. thought-provoking isn't it. lolx...

stained with coffee at 11:23 PM

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

the day after yesterday.

ok. the title is just bulls**t. haha. anw. been reading the book mere christianity by c.s. lewis for a while now. haha. like. a month. and i still havent really gotten through it yet. it's really mind-blowing stuff lolx. as a mere christian i guess i haven't really thought so deeply into my faith, juz accepted stuff as they were and everything. but his book really reveals a lot about christianity that i never really knew or never really bothered to think about. hopefully after i finish i'll be more inspired to be a christian lolx ^^". yay. i shall recommend this book to any1, both christians and non-. cuz i think it's really good.

choir prac today was just disastrous. its so weird, how we can be so inconsistent so close to the syf date. it's like. 19 more days to syf. that's like. 2 1/2 weeks. it's madness lor. and we're still so unprepared. how to get gold with honours. how to even get gold. muz buck up. there are some ppl who really care lar. like this new guy in my section who's damn on. but some other ppl just heck care and i can't really be bothered with them either. like. if you wanna do it then do it properly right. dun just wishy-washy yay i get my cca points i don't care anymore. like wat kind of commitment is this. and its not only the juniors or the slacker d00ds lor. there are even ppl in the com with that kind of mentality. what to do with them? you talk to them they also don't give a shit about what you say. so sickening. i hate to see mr toh get pissed everytime cuz some people just can't be bothered with choir. if you can't be bothered then just quit lar. it's not only frustrating for him lor. its frustrating for every1 else in the choir as well. i think if u wanna ruin a cca go somewhere else and do it. don't ruin mine. rarr. i'm getting angry at this.

and stupid boon huat. 12 physix exercises in 1 holiday. and its not as if any1 really knows how to do them lor. useless assh**e who can't teach for nuts. just fool around in class all day and get paid good money to entertain himself at the expense of his students. i wonder how many ri geppers can get a1 or a gpa of 4.0 for physix if they just listen in class and don't do any outside revision/reading. probably nobody. they'll all just be getting c6 and below. assh**e. cant stand him. ok. i'm getting angry at him too. this is great. but he deserves every bit of it. i hope he comes here and reads this and sees what a lousy useless bum he is (okay maybe not). but seriously. someone should stick it in his face that he's not helping students at all and that he should buck up, not them.

ramble ramble. whatever. haha. last point. i wanna go out. i really really really wanna go out. i need ppl to go out with me ^^". application forms not needed. juz msg me. haha.

stained with coffee at 11:55 PM

Friday, March 11, 2005

illogical.

how can someone feel so much for someone else whom he/she doesn't know, whom he/she hardly speaks to and who probably doesn't really give a s**t about his/her existence? hmm.

stained with coffee at 11:10 PM

Monday, March 07, 2005

new day, same feeling

oh well. another weekend has passed by without me doing much work at all. at least i finished a rather detailed overview of our biography proposal presentation [liben yamies yap and gang u better thank me tmr], just have to work out a few kinks in it [and u guys better be helpful!]. at least there's a half day tmr hahaha. and hopefully one more down the road later this year [mr mag did say something about rewarding our own efforts lolx]. hopefully i'll make some use of it revising for my french, instead of slacking around. well. just wanted to say some stuff before i went to sleep. nitez.

please don't try so hard to say goodbye...

stained with coffee at 12:13 AM

Saturday, March 05, 2005

boulevard of b r o k e n dreams.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's f***ed up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

don't really know what's going on anymore. my life used to be so simple and orderly and uncomplicated. then you came in and screwed it all up. you weren't the first. but you sure know how to make an impact. i wonder how long it will take to pick up the pieces.

stained with coffee at 10:22 PM

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

just stuff

i seem to be contradicting myself a whole lot haha. i keep saying there's no time there's no time yet i have so much time to blog. i guess its just cuz i'm SICK and TIRED of doing work all day long or something close to that. 6 hours sleep, 11+ hours in school doing work, come home do hw. so stress. grr.

i notice everything nowadays seems so mundane. routine. boring. its as if whoever who's in charge of distributing interesting events to everyone in the world somehow forgot to add me to his/her/its mailing list. haha. oh well. guess i shouldn't keep complaining so much and just be content with what i already have.

it's already the 1st day of march. 2 months have passed and i don't feel like i've accomplished anything, let alone improved myself. its amazing how time flies so fast. i remember it wasn't so long ago when we were all slogging it out at orientation camp as new sec 1s. just a little over 3 terms in RI left. will i be just another student who passes by through this school, leaving nothing behind for others to remember me? my three years and one term in ri seem so wasted now... i haven't done much to get anywhere, just coasting along, not really trying to do anything, to be special or outstanding. just another guy in all white walking around. four years. will anyone else notice these four years which i have spent? will i even notice? will i remember?

stained with coffee at 9:59 PM