Monday, May 29, 2006
something in your eyes, something in your smile
has it been wishful thinking all the way? maybe. but i don't wanna believe that. looking forward to tomorrow. i'm suffering withdrawal symptoms already.
stained with coffee at 1:06 AM
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
here without you..
.. but you're stil with me in my dreams.it's bitterly ironic. how can something give you such happiness and yet such pain. it's getting harder to push you away. sometimes i feel like prometheus, tied up on that cliffside, with that raven pecking out my liver everyday. it's just that i'm willingly calling for that raven, and i'm willingly chained there. sounds quite masochistic.
seeing you makes me smile, yet brings such despair inside.
i wish you'd smile at me, yet i wish you'd just leave me alone.
i yearn to see that sparkle in your eyes, but you just turn your face away.
i want to hyear your voice, yet i wish you'd just shut up.
i miss you, and still i wish you'd go away and never come back.
i want to go to sleep, and yet i don't, because i know you'll be there waiting for me on the other side.
and it's getting harder to believe..
stained with coffee at 9:56 PM
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
... and i'm tangled up in you.
stained with coffee at 10:31 PM
Monday, May 22, 2006
you make me wanna..
okay i'm having second dinner in front of my com at 1238am. i have pan-fried chicken (which i made myself ^^"), potato wedges and instant mee (well actually i cooked everything myself larh haha). listening to music, playing yahoo mahjong, feeling pretty good about everything.
i can't believe 1/4 of my JC life is going to be over already. it's already term 2 week 10. when i look back, seems like i've just been stoning around, not really doing much. it feels very. unsatisfying. there were some high points larh, mostly all the chorale stuff (concert, chalet etc) but in the end, without chorale, my life is.. quite empty. now that i'm just SL, i'll be having quite a lot of time to myself still. time for myself.. but i really have to start looking for things to fill it up. or else i'll just end up wasting my time (and money, thanks to all the teh bings) after school and doing nothing. i don't really think academics is the thing (although it's important!) but i don't know whats there to pursue already. i took up tennis with the hope that i'll play tennis in JC.. but my training cocked up halfway and that 'dream' is gone now. seems like all i really live for is chorale.. and even that isn't much now.
been thinking about everything that's happened recently, especially.. and i guess i'm still quite directionless, just drifting along doing nothing in particular. maybe i really have to start thinking about what i really want in my life. and planning ahead instead of taking each day as it comes. and i have to believe that planning works so that it doesn't fail from the beginning. it's just. i'm not ready to commit to something anymore. i committed to chorale and it didn't turn out as i expected.. i guess i'm just 'once bitten, twice shy'. oh well. this is depressing. and the title is so unsuited. but nevermind. i won't write about that today.
stained with coffee at 12:39 AM
Monday, May 08, 2006
swing, swing.
i'm sorry chin ee and ivee and chin ee's parents. i guess i was quite bleah in the car today on the way home, and i guess i did some really irritating and silly little things. so just um. ignore me and um. yeah. sry.
just back from another 3k run. hmmm. i somewhat doubt it's 3k lorh... i mean. 14 min is just a little too fast.. haha. or maybe it was just the music.. it really helps to pace me and push me on. oh well.
i guess i was trying to run away from everything. from all the horrible feelings inside me today. i was feeling quite shit about everything, and i was quite resolved to ignore some people alr, for some really childish reasons. but i suppose the run really cleared my head up.
anyway, how can i ever resist you. haix.
thanx ivee you're such a sweet senior.. i really didn't expect the cds lorh.. you've been really really great to me ever since last year and everything.. i'm really glad to have you around ^^" *hugs* (okay that was a really girl thing but nevermind!rarr.)
i was thinking of posting lyrics up today. or that really angsty poem/that really angsty prose that i wrote. but oh well. the mood sort of wore off.
stained with coffee at 11:36 PM
Thursday, May 04, 2006
complain-king, this is for you.
i don't see why some people complain about jc life being so horrible and detestable. i mean, they keep saying they can't keep up with their work, teachers are unreasonable etc etc.. but these are the exact same people who sleep/talk kok in every lecture/tutorial, advocate mass slackerism ("everyone don't do work! [the teacher] can't give us ALL white slips lorh"), play dota at home, and generally don't give a shit about school work. well sure, maybe cca quite stress, got match, got season, whatever. but seriously lorh. you just have to prioritise.. i mean, isn't learning something during lecture/tutorial more important than talking kok? especially when you have cca training and you know that you have no time at home to catch up? and how can you really blame the teachers for scolding you for not doing work? they can't say don't give you work, let you play all day and then flunk your a-levels right. and they can't give you the whole year to do one tutorial, because they have so much more to teach, and there are other students who (to the surprise of all these loudmouths) actually want to learn something and get decent grades for common tests/promos.
ms koo (maths tutor) exploded today. not in a way most teachers do. she's a really really mild person.. tolerates a whole lot of shit, whether it's from the lecture group or our class.. but today she really just broke and scolded us. and it really got to me.. cuz she's really quite concerned for us, but so many people take her mildness for granted and just doesn't care about her, since they're always just thinking of how they can get away with not doing work since she's such a nice person and everything. sometimes i just wonder.. what's wrong with my class? i mean yeah we're noisy, rowdy and we have lots and lots of fun.. but can't we be serious when we have to? like during lessons? so many of them are DSA through sports and everything.. but why come to RJ just to play sports, have fun, and get 4 Fs for promos? why not go to some other JC full of other like-minded slackers, and just have fun there, without all the caring, concerned teachers breathing down your necks?
i guess its quite human to want to have fun. but really, isn't it time to start caring about others as well? care about our teachers, our classmates who want to learn, ourselves and our own future?
stained with coffee at 9:44 PM
