Monday, May 22, 2006
you make me wanna..
okay i'm having second dinner in front of my com at 1238am. i have pan-fried chicken (which i made myself ^^"), potato wedges and instant mee (well actually i cooked everything myself larh haha). listening to music, playing yahoo mahjong, feeling pretty good about everything.
i can't believe 1/4 of my JC life is going to be over already. it's already term 2 week 10. when i look back, seems like i've just been stoning around, not really doing much. it feels very. unsatisfying. there were some high points larh, mostly all the chorale stuff (concert, chalet etc) but in the end, without chorale, my life is.. quite empty. now that i'm just SL, i'll be having quite a lot of time to myself still. time for myself.. but i really have to start looking for things to fill it up. or else i'll just end up wasting my time (and money, thanks to all the teh bings) after school and doing nothing. i don't really think academics is the thing (although it's important!) but i don't know whats there to pursue already. i took up tennis with the hope that i'll play tennis in JC.. but my training cocked up halfway and that 'dream' is gone now. seems like all i really live for is chorale.. and even that isn't much now.
been thinking about everything that's happened recently, especially.. and i guess i'm still quite directionless, just drifting along doing nothing in particular. maybe i really have to start thinking about what i really want in my life. and planning ahead instead of taking each day as it comes. and i have to believe that planning works so that it doesn't fail from the beginning. it's just. i'm not ready to commit to something anymore. i committed to chorale and it didn't turn out as i expected.. i guess i'm just 'once bitten, twice shy'. oh well. this is depressing. and the title is so unsuited. but nevermind. i won't write about that today.
stained with coffee at 12:39 AM
