Sunday, March 27, 2005
happenings.
thursdayaccoustics check/exchange with toh's other choirs at SCH [s'pore conference hall]. not really inspiring or anything. at least they showed that they can get their focus... but maybe a little too
overfocused? or maybe the word "focus" was just misunderstood. everyone was pushing very hard. and it sounded very. harsh isn't really the word larh. rough? dunno. see larh. so hard to describe. it's just. not good. yeahh. anyway got recordings courtesy of SAC [shut up, yanheng. no comments from you]. maybe the recordings are bad or something. but it sounds bad. out of tune. and we don't gel together. pokpok was the worst. like. really really the worst. totally humiliating also. we got stopped after the first few bars [during performance!] cuz didn't get pitch. then stopped again close to the end cuz nobody was responding to him [conductor]. then repeated the whole last section. all still during the performance. like wtf lorh. we're really bad. and its not like it was in tune or anything. even the reapeat. like omg. and he [conductor] still said we did reeeaaalatively well. like. if that's relatively well then the syf standard must be reeeeaaaaally low.
oh. and i realise i'm suffering from "cluster syndrome" [my colourful term for toh's observation]. he said that if you put loud singers from the same section together they start trying to out-loud each other and stop listening to the overall sound so they just merrily go out of tune and blast the wrong notes and destroy everything. well i don't really subscribe to the out-louding part [or at least i don't think i do.. cuz i know i can't out-loud yanheng] but i'm starting to just tune to him and hek ding instead of listening to how i fit in and how i blend and all that.. and so my ears are like. totally insensitive now.. like. every1 can hear oh that side flat on that note or whoever whoever is sticking out but i can't. then every1 had so many comments about rjc's rehearsal [they went after us], about dunno where flat where out of tune where got problem where dun gel properly where the sound not correct etc etc and i'm like. it sounds perfectly fine to me what. irritating lorh. can't stand it. i wonder how i'm supposed to remedy that situation. considering i'm SL summore.. if i can't hear how the sound sounds like how am i supposed to teach anything? sighz. highly traumatising.
fridaygood friday today. doesn't really make a diff since i've been staying at home the whole week anyway lolx. but i finally decided to touch my i-learning today! like. so happy lolx. i finished lit [there's nothing to do ><"] and chem [quite interesting larh] and i looked through everything else except maths. cuz i just overlooked it for some reason. haha. and i took one look at the chinese site and closed it lolx. so cheem. couldn't be bothered to read it yet. quite slack larh this i-learning ['cept for the chinese part larh.] hopefully can finish everything.
on to the religious part.the service today was quite meaningful. i think i've really grown in my faith these couple of years.. it's really a wonderful experience. and really humbling too, cuz i realise just how great the love of God is for me, and how really unworthy i am of such love.. how i always seem to take His grace for granted, how i never really treat anyone properly, or with due respect, or how my pride causes me to shoot down poeple around me.. and i realise that no matter how much i try, in the end i cannot do it alone. i cannot become perfect without His help. only He can make me perfect. but it's so hard to surrender totally, because there's always some part of me which just doesn't want to give up. yeahh. it's just. a really enlightening experience. sort of.
saturdayok shall just talk about the easter vigil service, cuz i think it really meant a lot to me. it was really a good service. it's one of the services where i feel good when i participate fully, and even though it's 3 1/2 hours and it's at night you don't feel tired or bored or anything. it was really a lot about God's love for us and how we can be saved and everything. basically the core of Christianity as a whole. the priest talked about his one experience in london where he met this group of islamic leaders with leaflets about their faith and how he tried to talk to them but how they just nattered on about how their faith is the one true faith and how every1 else was wrong for like 20 minutes. and he said that we should not be so focused on trying to prove that we're right and everyone else is wrong, or that our faith is the one true faith that everyone has to subscribe to or else you will suffer or something. how we should just try to live our faith, and through our lives show the world what it means to be Christian, to let our lives be the light to the world. and he said
[highly controvertial point here] that perhaps we should not consider all of us to be of different religions, that we are muslims or christians or jews, but that we are all people of God, and that we are all resurrected. highly philosophical which i don't really get. shall need to ask him what he meant. but all in all a really meaningful celebration. its times like these that really make me feel happy to have this faith.
stained with coffee at 12:17 AM
