Coffee&Stained

spread out.

2008-03-28T23:11:00.002+08:00

went for edb interview today. i don't think i did too well, although i still think the interviewer was kinda happy with me. very nice lady. hopefully i'll be that bubbly and easy to talk to next time when i go into uni/working world. gotta work at it. urgh.

anyway. after that spent an hour wandering around raffles city talking to chin ee and trying to find a place to eat, but the whole place was ridiculously full so i ended up drinking a double ice macchiato at starbucks (which is really good.. anything with more coffee is good ^^"). anyway it tasted like there was definitely more than one shot extra. but then i ordered the regular rather than the medium.. which got me thinking.. that means that perhaps if you order a larger cup all you get is extra milk.. how cheap is that.

anyway. touched the piano today. felt pretty good. even though it didn't sound too good. i actually managed to get 45 min in before i got too tired of my lousy playing. gotta slowly work back my skills. haha. it was a pretty good form of relaxation.

bought an andrea bocelli cd today. wasn't really worth the money i think.. all the tracks kinda sound the same. haven't looked at the bonus dvd yet. maybe it'll be more interesting.

i need to get in shape. but then again, i've been saying that ever since sec 1. and that was a REAALLY long time ago. maybe i'll go for a run or a swim tomorrow. or maybe both. but then again i shouldn't overdo it. that's probably my problem. exercising and playing the piano comes in bouts, and isn't consistent. these two activities feel more like the common cold.. comes in bouts and goes away. oh well.

thinking about something i should have really left behind a long time ago already. and it really feels crappy. for whatever reason.

i need another glass of vodka.

rarr.

2008-03-13T22:05:00.001+08:00

i have less than a week to settle the rest of my life, and i have to do OVERTIME on weekdays and go back on SATURDAY to do WORK. what a bitch.

is it march or december?

2008-03-12T22:24:00.003+08:00

... is a very important question, especially since it's been raining (pouring actually) practically non-stop for the past week or so.

saw the search for selamat still going on today as i went towards SAFTI MI... all the police special ops standing along mandai road looking into the forest. which really makes me wonder.. are they expecting selamat to run out by himself?? or are there actually teams searching through inside? and then i started thinking about all the freak weather we've been having (the rain lar duh) and (me being a converted conspiracy theorist) suddenly had a brainwave.

maybe they're literally trying to FLUSH selamat out.

mwahaha. isn't that ingeneous!? ring the jungle with personnel, then make the jungle as wet and uncomfortable as possible for a man with a limp and probably no change of clothing. then, when he really can't take sleeping in the rain every night, he might just surrender himself and go back to the ~~hotel~~ detention camp he came out from. OR.. they might just create a mudslide and flush him out that way.

okay jokes aside.

selamat really is taking his own sweet time getting caught. i hope that isn't because the police are taking their own sweet time catching him. even though i know the gahmen says he's not dangerous.

of course, i have another conspiracy theory on his disappearance. but i won't post it here. you can ask me about it if you want. haha.

okay i have 2 weeks left (less.. 11 days!) to decide the rest of my life. and it's proving as difficult a challenge as it sounds (and i'm blogging. what does that tell you about procrastination? haha). but i've narrowed down my choices to aeronautical engineering or physics/theoretical physics (of course the first option is way more likely but well.. why not?), and if i can i'd like to take a double degree in engineering and econs (NTU and NUS offer, but overseas unis seem reluctant to offer this). scholarship-wise, i still need to do research on a few organisations to make sure i really wanna be bonded to them for 6 years (and so that i have fodder for my interviews if i apply and succeed), and all that has to be done only at night, and at most only for 2-3 hours. phaw. maybe i'll just use the weekend. but then that's just procrastinating again.

another long rambly post. i'm getting good at this. haha.

Just a little bit.

2008-02-25T20:57:00.001+08:00

Been a while since I’ve bothered to really write down anything here.. Days are passing by so quickly and yet so slowly, somehow I can’t seem to find the energy in me to really bother to pen down my thoughts.. it always seems so much easier just to let life pass by without stopping to really look at what’s going on around me, to enjoy the little things that make life so worth living. Been really.. numb, I guess, for the past few months, perhaps even the past few years, rarely anything to spark my interest in life anymore. Perhaps I’m just out of practice, and if I’d just give myself the chance, put in the effort to embrace the morning breeze, extend that extra handshake to someone, act on the little thoughts that I have, but am usually just too scared or lazy to do anything about.. Then I might just realise a different side of me.

Well. Read a couple of really dumb things in the newspaper on Sunday, which was probably the only day since dunno when that I decided to read the paper properly, since I went BK for breakfast and didn’t feel like stepping out of the house for a mere 20 min. Anyway dumb thing number one was an article on Sporean women expecting too much of their boyfriends, and there was this interviewee who said she’d expect her boyfriend to open doors, carry her handbag etc and basically be her slave because “why else would I have a boyfriend? I might as well go out with my girlfriends.” ??! like really lar woman, you have some serious issues here?? maybe that’s why you’re still single at 32.

Dumb thing number two was this huge headline that said “PM Lee Fully Behind Singapore’s Bid to Host the 2010 Youth Olympics” or something. Please, is that like the most “DUH!” thing you’ve ever read ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. And you put it up so big as if it’s such a deep statement. I think it’s because of these little silly things (and the fact that the only big news seems to be M’sian elections which I really can’t give a damn about) that I haven’t read the papers in a while (and yes I know the other part would be because I’m lazy but we touched on that already so DROP IT ><”).

Next.. er. Realise that I’ve been going out with my classmates more now that we’re not in school anymore.. and I’m probably beginning to erm. treasure them more? or at least, get to know them a little better. We’ve met up like. the last 3 weekends. Some of us anyway, since all the guys (except lucky me) are in army and most of the girls seem very busy. If we can keep it up I’d personally be very impressed. haha.

Played soccer on Saturday with the usual gang minus weisong. Apparently what my sis and a couple of my seniors (girls) said is true.. army guys just can’t stop talking about army stuff. So most of the game progressed with running commentary about fieldcamp, the delicious nature of field rations, grenade throwing etc etc from gengrui and whao, with me and chin ee being quite left out. hurr. But that’s okay. I’ve quite adjusted to my new unit already.. Which brings me on to the next little insight, that is sports really brings people together.. English isn’t the universal language, sports is. Recently after the soccer tournament, the morning runs, the games days, I’ve really become quite comfortable with most of the guys in my department, even though we have such different personal backgrounds and everything.. it’s as if after the first couple of rounds of soccer, I see them differently, and they probably see me differently as well, and we’re not all so scared or alienated anymore.

Okay this is a very long and disjointed post. Give me a little while to adjust back to writing and using my brain. It’s really rotten now.

As a final word, Park Bench Theories by Jamie Scott & The Town is a really good album (:

8-5? more like 530-7..

2008-01-29T20:07:00.000+08:00

esp since camp is now at khatib, and live run means that one has to report at 710.. pooh. anyway i'm really hoping to start my proper job soon.. i don't wanna be saikang warrior for the rest of my 1 yr 9 mths 7 wks and 5 days. lol.

for the whole story, ask me. i don't wanna type it all down here now. haha.

post out.

2008-01-28T18:19:00.000+08:00

What Wong Shu Rong Adrian Means

You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.
You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.
You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

strangely interesting. i totally agree with the last bit - "Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start." haha. okay might post some more later. why is no one online now. urgh.

happy new year.

2008-01-01T00:51:00.000+08:00

yepp =D

minutes in the past.

2007-12-30T00:55:00.000+08:00

its saddening how easy it is to lose the things you value most in life, how easy it is to take them all for granted even as they slip slowly away. and then a new year dawns and you realise it's just too late now.

back.

2007-12-21T22:39:00.001+08:00

okay a lot of stuff has happened since oct 3. i'm not gonna go through everything.
just back from portugal/spain/turkey group tour. crazy. feel quite tired now. might post photos and maybe bother about writing a coherent entry soon. but now it's time to sleep. plane trips SUCK. really.

[edit 12:32AM]
feel like posting this song suddenly. hurr.

Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel

When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay woah, stay woah

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

taking stock.

2007-10-03T22:36:00.000+08:00

"God doesn't play dice with the Universe." - Albert Einstein

and maybe i should stop playing dice with every major exam except for the promos. i guess my only consolation is that i can look back and say i had it coming. but i didn't expect the horrendous lit grade, nor really the econs one. i guess i had too much faith in myself, thought too highly of myself (yes mr Low, i know), glossed over everything like so much casual reading. at least it wasn't The Big One.

one more month. well.

mid-way checkup.

2007-09-14T21:18:00.001+08:00

right, so we're still breathing, which is always a good sign. anyway, pretty good way to end the week.. last four days were crap but actually felt good today after coming out of the exam hall. a couple of days to put some juice back into the tank and we'll be up and running for the last lap. just have a little faith and we'll make it through (:

panic.

2007-09-08T19:25:00.000+08:00

there seems to be no end to notes on Pride and Prejudice. i need more TIME. pfft.

squash.

2007-09-04T21:44:00.001+08:00

microecons can be compressed into approximately 7 pages of font-size 11.5 (exclude diagrams). wow.

urgh.

2007-08-31T22:25:00.000+08:00

okay so a check to see if weekeegeepee.blogspot.com existed just turned into an essay on pollution and economic growth in China. like wth. gp was like so last week lar. well actually it was this week but nevermind. and i just typed "environmental conservation" as "environmental CONVERSATION". i obviously am still suffering the effects of the 4-hour lit lecture. i need the p&p slides NOW. before i forget everything ng said.

on a sad note there isn't tennis tmr morning. damn j1s are way too studious. oh well maybe i can get more done tmr then. i hope my newfound 'affection' for work can be cultivated quickly.

oh and as a side note, i rediscovered questionable content recently. it's pretty cool, check it out if you want to. but the storyline's pretty long. you might need to start from #1. lolx.

Paul Potts.

2007-08-29T20:43:00.001+08:00

if anyone hasn't heard of him yet. heh.

moments.

2007-08-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

Josh Groban - February Song

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes

sweet.

class party today. a 'last-day-of-school' thingy organised by our wonderful CT reps char and siti. thanks to that i am now the proud owner of a green badge that says 'press to sing, poke for volume'. heh. cute. anyway it kinda degenerated into a massive cake-fight at the end, from which i emerged unscathed (well darinne tried, but she didn't have enough cake, only some chocolate rice), as did clarence, who of course threatened anyone who would ever think about crossing his path. in a way i think he won, since he managed to frag at least one person (sue, of all people haha), unlike yours truly, who wasn't willing or able to, mostly because of fear of retaliation. self-protectionism? lolx nevermind.

napfa at 4. they always say to treasure every second of life. well one second was all that was btween me and 2 extra months of ns. lolx. 12:39 for 2.4, 12:40 was the D-grading. whoo. thankfully i decided to piah early in the last round.. if i had left it just a little late i would have failed. heh.

went to bathe at the LT2 toilet at about 6+. met zahrah, who asked me, of all things, whether i was going for a lecture in PE. she probably didn't notice the time, as well as the fact that instead of paper and stationery i was actually carrying my uniform and a TOWEL. of course i corrected her with the minimum amount of laughter.

had shilin chicken and dim sum with sue, heng and pris at about 7. quite entertaining. especially heng and sue. met wongli as well, hopefully he's keeping up with his studies this year. and i now know (of) a j1 who has 4 white slips. wow. he's the first person i know who has ever gotten 4 i think. of course we won't count those who theoretically SHOULD get four (tsk olivia) but always seem to slip though the loopholes. hurr.

gp and h3 next week. not sure which one i'm more worried about. i think model essays and KSbull has really demoralised me. oh well. jiayous me (:

anomalous.

2007-08-22T19:03:00.000+08:00

i realised today that i'm the only one who takes lit H2 and physics H3 in my batch, possibly in my whole school. haha. that makes me SPECIAL, not ANOMALOUS. hee.

H3 consultation with tan hai siong was awesome today. but somehow i think i wasn't really prepared enough to go ask him about stuff.. i really think i missed out a lot of important questions, but i just don't know what they are... urgh. just another one of those times when you don't know what you don't know so you can't ask questions. hurr. anyway after the consultation i felt rather inspired. but i only managed to do 4 relativity questions and shoot through half of my solid state notes. in like 3 hours. my gosh.

been feeling strangely lonely in school these days. despite being on pretty good terms with everyone. like i've just been drifting these few weeks. haven't seen many people that i've wished to see since farewell.. really makes it feel like a REAL sort of farewell. i guess in a way that's pretty saddening. maybe it's just that we're all a little too busy with our books now, with too little time and space for anyone else. oh well.

[edit: 11:22pm]
i think i just found out first-hand what 'finding your centre' is all about. and i must say, it's pretty awesome.
everything is the same, and yet everything is oh so different.
[/edit]

personal essay.

2007-07-30T23:14:00.000+08:00

urgh. i hate writing personal/peer essays. i'd rather eat rotten tomatoes than do them. (okay well maybe not.) but seriously, it's ridiculously hard writing about yourself. and organising it is such a headache. i thought writing for someone else'd be easier, but no way.. it's as hard, if not harder. cuz you dunno whether the person'll be happy or not. oh well i still have some of the night left to work on it anyhow. i might blog again later after this forced-reflection on my life. haha.

desole.

2007-07-25T20:08:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry i didn't hold on hard enough
sorry i didn't make it worth your while
and in the end i guess i'll just be content to know that it was me all along.

you know..

2007-06-27T11:09:00.000+08:00

i don't even feel like going for math later. wth.

[edit 8:54pm] dammit. i knew something was up. i think overconfidence is going to kill me soon. if it hasn't already. [/edit]

stamina-less.

2007-06-15T22:03:00.000+08:00

hurr. i dunno how jianwei can mug so much these days. i rmb last time before promos i used to go longer than he did, come to sch earlier and leave later. but now after like 4+ hours i'll be dead and leave and he'll still be there mugging. well done. i need to find my stamina back again lor. esp before prelims/a's. eek.

anyway this was kinda funny:

Your True Love Is a Pisces

Why you'll love a Pisces:
Selfless and intuitive, you are perfect for a Pisces that lives to love you.You're sensitive enough to appreciate and explore the deep emotions of a Pisces.
Why a Pisces will love you:
You're generous and totally giving in relationships, something Pisces demands.You are also dreamy enough to get lost in fantasy with Pisces, but realistic enough to stay grounded.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

um so if you're a pisces gimme a wave and we'll see if things work out k? (= um. girls only please ((=

hiatus.

2007-06-11T22:50:00.000+08:00

no i haven't been studying. but for those who have been at it for like FOREVER since the hols started and you're tearing you hair out, here's a little comic relief for you (: it's from a competition called "On The Lot" which gives people a chance to win a million dollar deal with Dreamworks or something like that. yep (:

"Getta Rhoom" by Jason Epperson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHJh6O3q5aA

rewind.

2007-05-20T22:48:00.000+08:00

okay friday was elections. i actually wanted to post this earlier, but was too tired/sianded to do so. anyway, congratz to the new comm (well none of you really visit here anyway) and hopefully they'll do a good job. as to those who didn't make it, well i guess i could say i was there before, having missed out on chair last year, something i really wanted. but then, everyone's different. so i thought i'd share something i wrote last year after that failed elections:

The Old Saying

The old saying's wrong.
You don't fall among the stars
When you miss that lunar stop.
Gravity just pulls you back to earth
At 9.81 ms^-2 (that's to 3.s.f.)

Well there are clouds there, of course
To cushion that long
fall down. But little wisps
of nothingness
do little when terminal velocity kicks in.

I guess I'll just enjoy the long ride down
(Go with the flow, as they all say)
And while I'm falling I'll figure out
Just how big that impact crater'll be
And just how many pieces
I'll be in.

okay not too good a poem i must admit. but the bottom line i realised is this: those 'little wisps of nothingness' - your good friends, soulmates, or whatever - really can help to catch you when you fall. so yeah.

of course, those of you who just wanna emo out, here's a song for you:

Dashboard Confessional - Dusk and Summer

She smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles
When the world is hers and she held your eyes
Out in the breezeway down by the shore in the lazy summer
And she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers
She looked deep into you as you lay together quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on

And she combed your hair, and she kissed your teeth
And she made you better than you'd been before
She told you bad things you wished you could change in the lazy summer
And she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry as she lay in your lap
She said "nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer"

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on

She said, "no one is alone the way you are alone"
And you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have known
Some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure
Days like that should last and last and last

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough of her to hang on

lay-zee-ness.

2007-04-29T21:23:00.000+08:00

okay today was a lazy day. i slept at like. 1030 last night. and woke at 9. then watched tv and went bk for breakfast (omg there's bk at white sands now =)) at 10 then played random com games till lunch, slept straight after lunch (stop calling me a pig already), woke at 5 and went to church, come back and eat dinner and watch some more tv. so i guess today really has been a rest day for me. i was acutally wide awake during the homily today, it was some priesthood promotion campaign cuz today's "good shepherd sunday" supposedly, and it's about praying for vocations and stuff. i wonder if it's a sign.. hurr.

vch prac was Awful. with a capital A. or maybe a capital W-F-U-L as well. i thought we'd actually manage to "rise up to the occasion" somehow. i should have known better. as i said, i used to belong to a choir that sounded awfully good.. now the good part is gone. and somehow i wonder whether it's partly my fault. i realise that at this point in time, i still don't know how far my responsibility as an SL stretches. do i have to know and be able to recognise every single voice in my section? i guess i do, to a certain extent. but as to hearing them during combined, am i expected to do that too? cuz sometimes standing third row really means you can't hear much at all. am i expected to know exactly what the problems are and the correct course of action i should take in order to solve them? perhaps the first part is expected, but if even mr toh can't find a solution, should i (we, rather) be expected to do what he can't, with our limited knowledge of vocal techniques and for some of us, our very limited experience as well? what does it mean to "work at the ground level"? if people are falling sick, am i supposed to know how to make them un-sick? am i supposed to feed all 16 or 17 them dequalinium every 3 hours? or video call them and ask them to drink water? okay that last line was perhaps a little too bitter. but really, i just need some direction sometimes. and maybe a little cooperation. cuz i know a lot of us SLs are frustrated by a seeming lack of enthusiasm by our members.
like cj for example. they're so much smaller but their dynamic range is so much larger, and you can actually feel some sort of musicality to their songs.. it isn't dead or cerebral or anything. and i really wonder how i'm supposed to ignite that kind of spark(le). especially with a week to go.

okay this is turning into an angst-emo-ridden thing. i shall stop.

flap arms to fly.

2007-03-30T21:35:00.000+08:00

yeah if only that worked. haha. this week has really been a tiring one. with all the carpentry, all the additional sectionals (okay there wasn't much), all the reach-home-feeling-like-utter-crap days. at least today was a little better, although a certain something that happened in the afternoon really just confirmed the fact that tomorrow, and the next few weeks, is going to be REALLY REALLY long. and stressful. if only we really could just flap our arms and fly.

something random: i have the sudden urge to set up a blog at sparrk.blogspot.com. haha.

and so it is.

2007-03-20T23:02:00.000+08:00

okay blogging in the middle of CTs might just seem a little weird to some. but well, as whao observed, and with which i concur, CTs are really the slackest time of the year. cuz you either (like whao) always do your work consistently and are so damn smart you don't really need to study, or you (like me) don't really give a damn about much, and spend your day watching MTV and 24 (which really is a great series) instead of doing math (okay i did SOME math).

anyway don't wanna disappoint my fanclub. so here's a shoutout to whoever is in it or wants to be in it. for application forms look for kia liang. hurr. jiayou in whatever you guys are doing right now (:

okay you can tell. i'm going a little crazy right now. but that's okay. i think i'm in a happy mood this week. hee.

oh right i must blog about how i crashed my bike.

basically it was on the way to chin ee's house on monday night. needed to use his computer to send whao shirt design. so me being "smart", chose to take my bike instead of the bus. and didn't take my wallet cuz i thought it wasn't necessary. WRONG. so anyway, here i am cruising down the pedestrian walkway, when BOOM i crash into this stupid curb at the bus-stop. why they need to raise the bus stop i don't know, but the curb was really high. like15-20cm high. but i didn't see it cuz it was all in the shadows and everything. so my momentum is so great that the front wheel of the bike actually goes ONTO the curb (instead of just crashing and stopping and flinging me onto the ground, which i am rather thankful for), and in the process i totally screw up my front wheel. like it gets banged upwards and gets stuck. so me being "smart" again, tries to loosen it and bring it down. and in the process the WHOLE WHEEL COMES OFF. (shucks i'm blogging in caps now?!) anyway now my bike is in two parts, and i can't get onto a bus/taxi cuz i didn't bring my wallet. so i have to call chin ee and ask him to rescue me. and thankfully the kind 53 bus driver let me take my 2-piece bike onto his bus so i didn't have to take cab. (of course maybe my utter frustration + semi-dirty sign that i flashed after he at first told me i couldn't and shut the door on me caused him to reconsider but nevermind). so i get home and i spent 45 min fixing my bike and now it's kinda okay, but i can't seem to fit the plastic piece back on. the one that is fixed slightly above the wheel for aesthetic (i think) reasons. at least the wheel works. which leads me to realise that FIXING THINGS RELIEVES STRESS. well not that i was stressed about work. i was just utterly frustrated at my carelessness and stressed about what my parents would say should i not be able to fix it.

okay long blabbering paragraph to describe one incident. which was probably the "highlight" of the week so far. yep. i guess i better go sleep now or something. cheerio!

james morrison - the pieces don't fit anymore

2007-02-16T23:29:00.000+08:00

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching us fall apart

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel
Coz I've tried, yes I've tried
Still I don't know why
No I don't know why

Why I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit anymore

i'm not emo-ing. really, i'm not. just really like the song. like the mv even better. should check it out if you have the time. just go search on you-tube or something.

these weeks.

2007-02-06T23:49:00.000+08:00

well chorale camp was pretty exciting. haha. forgive my seeming lack of emotion though, i don't really think caps and exclamation marks are all that cool anymore. hee. i think everyone did a good job about everything, and all the last-minute rushing actually got us somewhere. haha. and although there were quite a few hiccups along the way, well at least we made it through and it was really quite a special experience. i guess you can read about it on other people's blogs, i won't go into the details. what really struck me though was the spontaneity which was shown by a lot of the participants (sounds so external cip camp thing), especially the j1s, and i think the camp has helped them bond quite a bit. they seem like really exciting dudes. so jiayou j1s.

i guess since this is my blog i'll talk about my experience planning and facilitating (somewhat i suppose). it was pretty tiring, and i think i've realised something not too good about myself, and that is that my EQ suffers tremendously when i'm under stress and totally frustrated that things aren't going the way they should. well idealist i suppose. haha. but still it's a little vexing. maybe that's another part that i still have room to develop in. working with others. cuz it's okay to get frustrated at yourself and throw a mini-tantrum when no-one else is looking, but in a group it will definitely spill over onto others, and create negative externalities. err okay. it will spoil the working relationship as well as the group dynamics. so just something to think about for me.

on other notes, parents are off enjoying themselves again. this time it's australia. so i'm alone at home for 2 weeks. my dear kind sister has volunteered to come back to stay with me (she usually stays at the nus hostel), and for that i am pretty grateful. especially for her com, which i am using now. since the home ones don't work too well (: it really means waking up earlier without getting to sleep earlier, which just sucks. my sleep debt is probably as big as the monetary debts of some poverty-stricken third-world countries, which isn't too good a thing. maybe i should just pon school for a day. that'll be nice. but i'm too good a student to do such a thing lar :P so i guess we'll just find a way through.

i guess one final thing i should note is how "wisdom" can come from the most unexpected sources. and how self-knowledge and answers to important questions can come from people you least expect it to come from. and i'm glad for that answer that i got last week. it was an answer which i was looking for for quite some time, and i'm glad that the search is finally over.

i'll be here
if you ever want to give
i'll be around the bend,
i'll be around the bend,
i'll be around

and if you never stop when you wave goodbye
you just might find if you give it time
you might wave hello again,
you just might wave hello again

and that's the way this wheel keeps turning now

- wheel, john mayer

this week.

2007-01-18T20:57:00.000+08:00

some things i've learnt this week:

i) the plural of a lexus is lexi. rich singaporeans who want to flaunt their wealth, take note.
ii) one must only take double-decker 88s home. 1 hr 20 min without a comfortable seat is not good.
iii) running 2.4 is like trying to sing high notes. you can't save energy for the final burst or you'll fail. must have a "sustained crescendo" before the end.
iv) 07S05A enjoys taboo not because it's intellectual, but because some people just can't seem to make sense while playing it.
v) forgetting to take your water bottle and leaving it in the canteen is just stupid. now i need another one.
vi) trying to do vectors without lecture notes is difficult, to say the least. and is almost as potent a cure for insomnia as gp reading packages.
vii) learning a lesson from your mistakes doens't make it any easier to live with the consequences.
viii) it's very easy to hate someone, but almost impossible to stop caring.

well this week has been pretty tiring. even though i slept early the past two nights. did 2.4 twice, in 3 days, with horrible timings. so i guess i'll have to do more the next few weeks. which i always tell myself to do around this time every year. but this year will be different! go me.

he blogs! he blogs!

2007-01-08T00:28:00.000+08:00

haha okay. i know all of you have been waiting eagerly for a new post! okay well i know "all" really refers to like 1 or 2 people, including myself. so yep.

should just start with today. had church choir prac, which is really more like a sing along session than any sort of real choir prac. but hopefully that'll change, since this is like. the second week since the choir's been set up, and once we start training people and everything hopefully it'll get interesting. i sound like some big-shot in it right. actually i'm not. but hopefully i can help out lor. i got lubbed with cantoring duty for the upcoming mass. guess i'm kinda happy but kinda nervous too.

what else. updated the choir shirt designs! yep. changed the wording somewhat, changed the fonts, and i think the new and improved version of the shirt looks much better (: can't wait to show it to everyone. "everyone" in this case is probably just the comm. hopefully can find a printer and figure out how much it'll cost and get everything done soon! can you just tell that i'm excited. haha.

well on a more general note life hasn't been too good to me, though i have yet to sleep in any lessons so far (congratz me! hee). got sick with (i think) a throat infection, which ended up in me coughing up prodigious amounts of gross green phlegm and having my voice deteriorate. but i'm recovering now, and hopefully by wed it'll be back to normal (it's not too good lar, since i'll lose my low e-flat ><) and we can do our best at cca feste!

kinda dreading tuesday's practice. but i liked sat's. haha. cuz i got to take for a while, since ong chin ee was totally late (lazy bum). got to say some things i wanted to say and got to feel how much pressure chin ee is under. haha. at least we ironed out some things, but the lion king song is really dying. and we probably need a lot of work on that. hopefully can solve by tuesday and wont forget by wed. hurr.

just read ruth's blog. the post about bluffing oneself that things are better than they are. and then convincing oneself that they are worse than they are. and i think i tend to do a lot of the latter. which isn't very good. somehow i seem to need/want to exist in a semi-depressed state when i'm alone at home, or in school, or wherever. basically when i'm alone lar. maybe it's not a conscious decision, it's just a subconscious thing. it isn't very healthy. hopefully this year i can change. and i think i have lar. in a way. last year taught me a lot of things. about relating to other people. about not reading too much into anything. about understanding that the whole world isn't about myself alone. and maybe now i won't be so quick to say yes if anyone asks me if i think i'm immature. hmmm. that's a nice thought.

well it's late (thanx ruth for reminding me) but i'm not too tired yet somehow. well i AM tired but i'm not in the mood for sleeping. don't know why. but that's all for the first post of the new year! ciao.

right here.

2006-12-14T22:33:00.000+08:00

but you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
you always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
and if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting...

indecision.

2006-12-11T22:45:00.000+08:00

been thinking about how "i dunno" and "anything" seem to be a part of daily speech now. or hourly speech. or even minute-ly speech. seems like we get more and more indecisive as we get older, or maybe we're just trying to take everyone's opinion into consideration (more often than not that's just a lie that you tell yourself everytime you spout those words). and it's not really a good thing to be doing, since in the end, more often than not, decisions take longer and longer to be made, and time is lost, time that can be used to do other things.

i think "i dunno" is really more of a way of buying time for yourself to think, but why can't one just say "give me a minute, let me think about it" or something. "i dunno" is really something that just irritates people, i think, cuz the fact that a question was directed to you means they expect you to answer it. and more often than not you do have the answer, just that you can't really be bothered to think it through. one of the most irritating times to use "i dunno" is when you've just said something that answers the question, since the other party doesn't know whether what you just said was utter and total bullshit.

"anything" is more a way of avoiding making decisions altogether, and shoving it off to someone else. i) it's irritating, ii) it doesn't get anything done and iii) it puts a great responsibility on the other party to read your mind. cuz you obviously have a preference but you just i) don't bother thinking about it or ii) don't really like the person asking you the question and just want to piss him/her/it off.

and then i was thinking too about what whao said about the "centre of power" and how those in authority, if they don't use the power given them, tend to lose it. and how indecision really affects this centre of power thing. cuz if the one in authority spouts "i dunno" and "anything" and "it depends" all the time, it i) undermines his/her/its own authority and ii) makes his/her/its "followers" confused and frustrated. confused because some of them have no idea what to do as well, and are looking to the leader to do something, since he/she/it's supposed to have superior skills/knowledge on how to handle the situation. frustrated because some of them have their own ideas of what should be done, and are keeping it inside because i) they believe that the leader knows what they're thinking and should just get on with it and stop stalling or ii) they don't want to say anything in public because they believe it will further undermine his/her/its authority, and may get he/she/it upset because you're interfering in their "territory". what makes it even harder is when the leader is also your friend, and you don't want to tell him to his face that he's not doing enough or he should just stop fooling around and get the job done, since it isn't a very nice thing to do.

of cousrse it might be that some are just more cautios in the leadership department, and (when i try) i'm just a little to headstrong and sometimes a little rash. but sometimes when deadlines are near things just have to be done, and i think leaders shouldn't be afraid to use their authority sometimes, even if it might hurt the pride of others a little, or may contradict the beliefs of others. since the leader should be, after all, fully trustworthy and has the confidence of his "followers".

just a little food for thought.

perfectionism.

2006-12-10T18:19:00.000+08:00

i think i'm too perfectionist. so what if my banoffee pie today didn't turn out so well. i shouldn't feel so down. rarr. oh well there's always next time to do better. hee (:

adventure no. 1: cod fish stew.

2006-12-08T19:02:00.000+08:00

so i finally started on my cooking today! go me. haha. well it turned out pretty good actually, and pretty filling too. should probably try getting more fragrant white wine and work on the presentation a little, but otherwise it was really enjoyable. haha. but cleaning up is still a bugger >.< sorry no photos. i) i don't usually post photos anyway and ii) i did say i need to work on presentation. i think i'll try something else soon. maybe sunday (:

well in other news the dec 16 carolling is coming up really really fast! well we did manage to finalise the songs today. but it's still gonna be quite rush getting prac done and all. hopefully we all can stay focused and do our work! well it'll be tiring but i guess it'll be rewarding too! hopefully we get some cash out of this. and no, that's not exactly the reward i was talking about, but it'll be nice ((:

okay that's all. for now anyway.

strange.

2006-11-30T13:55:00.000+08:00

i really can't believe how i lapse into such strange moods and end up blogging such strange angsty emo nonsense. must have been just too tired from all the carolling and travelling and watching amazing race asia (go singapore! okay nevermind). anyway. the rest of the lyrics.

Empty Apartment - Yellowcard

Call me out
You stayed inside
One you love
Is where you hide
Shot me down as I flew by
Crash and burn
I think sometimes you forget where the heart is

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening now
Can't you see something's missing?
You forget where the heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life, what's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say its okay
It's okay
It's okay

what scares me the most.

2006-11-30T02:07:00.000+08:00

is that you might think that nothing's happened, and that we're still where we were before. wherever that was. even though it's pretty obvious to me that you're slightly over a million miles away.

it's okay to be angry and never let go
it only gets harder, the more that you know
when you get lonely, when no one's around,
you know that i'll catch you when you're falling down
we came together but you left alone
and i know how it feels to walk out on your own
maybe someday i will you again
and you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend..

two concerts and a cookbook.

2006-11-27T19:28:00.000+08:00

friday's tj choir concert was ~~torturous~~ ~~deplorable~~ not too good. but their girls' gowns are pretty nice. gown committee, take a hint. hee.

sunday's concert was pretty awesome. although it did feel like mr toh's choral festival part 2, with the combined choir at the end. but pretty decent (even though it was pretty short). he's right, we really have much to fear from cj. haha. and their sops (esp the glory manger soloist!! <33) sound really really good. rv was pretty good too, dunman didn't wow so much though. but really, most awesome moment was the glory manger solo. hee.

borrowed a cookbook today! jamie's kitchen by jamie oliver. ~~you~~ your mom might have watched his show before. i think he's pretty funky. hopefully i'll actually get down to cooking something this hols. hee.

i notice all my paras ended with "hee". isn't that interesting. well dinnertime. ciao.

p.s. i seem to have found my voice somewhere since sat. i feel good ^.^

three guys, a girl and a mind cafe.

2006-11-22T23:19:00.000+08:00

well it was quite an interesting day today. which sees me spend around 40 bucks, which is really quite a lot, no? hmm. lets see.

morning: went to recce the council canteen today. met chin ee for breakfast in the morning at macs (which was the start of the "spending spree"), then went ntuc to check prices for utensils and stuff. had an hour plus of brainstorming at s11 while waiting for chinee's tjc friend to come with the tickets (he was about 30min late), and managed to come up with a whole lot of cool ideas for special night. sadly after meeting whao and scouting out the council canteen most of them are now either 1) in the dustbin or 2) on special review. cuz we're not sure if we want class (which i am for, and probably chin ee) or no class (which whao is for. since he thinks steamboat is all about noise and heck about the decor). hopefully can thrash something out by tmr.

after that went to see rv prac. we were made to make some inspirational speeches which didn't turn out too well, but nice to see the juniors again. and well i guess i still can relate to them a little huh. dozed off a little sitting at the back listening to them prac (well im not used to 4hr nights), debated on going to visit nikki's workplace, going for lunch, going to watch step up, and staying until the end of prac. ended up leaving about 245 for lunch, which was expensive and quite cheat money.

afternoon: went out with the YI dudes (well 3 of them anyway, hence the title) in the afternoon. supposed to meet at 4, but we ended up meeting about 545 instead. cuz everyone was late (except me, which i find both admirable and extremely stupid). everyone gave the rain as an excuse, and surprisingly it was the guys (leon and jacob) who were much later than the girl (fran). um. sat around like some delinquent at dhoby ghaut for half an hour before fran came, and then we sat there delinquently for another half hour waiting for jacob. went to grab some food since fran was hungry. and leon appeared at 545 (well done!).

went to mind cafe, which is some cool place where you get to play all kinds of interesting board games, and they serve food and drinks which were pretty decent too. stayed there for about 3 hrs, and after that we were all kinda tired and drained. played some "memory" thing that turned out to be pretty hard, some brainless monkey-pickup-sticks thing, another brainless balancing thing and the last game (which lasted 1.5 hrs) was some interesting thing where you gained points by joining up forests, plains and rivers (it'll take a while to explain). game was called carcassone if anyone is interested. i recommend it haha. it's really cool. bill wasn't too cool, but oh well, nothing like an evening/night out with friends. and i still managed to connect with them i guess, which was really nice.

night: well now i have to do work. which i don't feel like doing. oh well. go me.

[edit] i have a lunch date on fri! okay nothing so exciting. just lunch with an old friend. haha. [/edit]

early morning football ii.

2006-11-22T06:58:00.000+08:00

hee. i dunno how people get so attached to football clubs which are like. half a world away. and how they can get so tensed up when their team is down and how euphoric it feels when they come back to win the match. well that's kinda what happened to me today. lolx. anw i think theo walcott is my new hero. haha. he's too good alr. england's new sensation. cool. so now with the football, guitar playing and mosquito bites keeping me awake i guess i'll leave early to school. but not before leaving a song.. hee.

everything - lifehouse

find me here
and speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where i find peace again

you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life
to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything

and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
take me deeper now

and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

cause you're all i want
you're all i need
you're everything
everything

you're all i want
you're all i need
you're everything
everything

you're all i want
you're all i need
you're everything
everything

you're all i want
you're all i need
you're everything
everything

and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

distance.

2006-11-15T21:43:00.000+08:00

how is it that some old friends can just click even after so long, while some friendships die just afer a few weeks of being on the shelf? i must say that i'm one who takes many friendships for granted, thinking that if they're there at night before i go to sleep they'd still be there in the morning when i wake. but somehow it doesn't work that way, does it? and sometimes distances stretch so far, it's hard to find a way back to where we all were before. so i guess these few months i've been deceiving myself. it really IS mostly my fault, never bothering to really put much effort into maintaining relationships. and now that we're so far apart, it feels so awkward reminding you even of my existence. so i guess some things just have to be buried, some memories forgotten, and i'll just have to put my boots back on and walk on. i always had such fanciful ideas last time, about what i'd do when that day finally comes. i guess i should really try to focus on the present now, instead of what could happen, cuz shit happens and circumstances change, and what i thought would be there is always never really there at all.

Straitjacket Feeling - The All-American Rejects

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
~~And you're the problem and you can't feel~~
Try this on, straitjacket feeling
So maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
Off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
To take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when that memory slips away
There'll be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
And just the thought of you I fear
It falls away

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

early-morning football.

2006-11-01T05:54:00.000+08:00

well well. barcelona-chelsea had all the finesse of a tavern brawl. at least amidst all the challenges, free-kicks, yellow cards and diving, there was time for a couple of exquisite goals from deco and lampard, as well as a last-gasp thriller from drogba. not the best match i've seen by far, but still an enjoyable one. well that all for now, it's off to school (:

(oh, the score was 2-2, if anyone was wondering.)

black.

2006-10-31T22:13:00.000+08:00

well thanks to an afternoon yesterday at sentosa i'm seriously seriously black now. and seems like everytime i see my relatives they comment on the same thing. to them i always look thinner, taller and blacker ><"

so let's see. what did we do. 11am supposed to meet. everyone except whao and i were late. which was expected. but we actually got to sentosa before 2, which was UNexpected. hurr. or maybe i was just being my over-exaggerating self. which was probably the case. sadly there were only like. 7 of us. before chinee and zf joined us at 3 plus, or about 4. what kind of "chorale" outing is that. anyway. had lunch at the food centre at harbourfront before leaving, and somehow or other i managed to eat from probably the most popular stall there. which was some fish soup thing. which was really really nice. okay.

ended up at siloso beach where we had volleyball (which we sucked at totally), frisbee, more volleyball, more frisbee, a dip or two in the sea, lost the volleyball in a coconut tree (hey that rhymes!), had more frisbee and then i had to leave for dinner with my cousin and her angmoh fiance. they managed to get the ball down after i finished showering though (i don't know how) and then they were back to volleyball as i was leaving. i realise that volleyball is seriously painful on the wrist and forearms. and we were "challenged" by this group of quite pro vballers quite early in the afternoon, but we managed to dissuade them from joining us. hurr. after which i think they spent most of the time looking at us and laughing away but NEVERmind.

left about 530, only managed to get onto the THIRD bus that was leaving sentosa (yes the queue was ridiculously long), met yikai and hannah and 2 other unknown people at harbourfront mrt. but that's not important. hurr. got semi-lost trying to find the restaurant, ended up walking the wrong way down Upper Cross Street. so was late. rarr.

dinner was okay. met the angmohs (there was her fiance, his sister and his nephew) and my aunt and uncle. which was where the taller, thinner, darker comment came. and my resolution to gain weight was un-tactfully spilled out by my mum, to which half the people at the table said they'd happily donate 10 kilos to me. food wasn't too bad, but not the best i've had in a chinese restaurant. and trying to stuff down all the leftovers which are happily pushed to me (everyone remembers that i want to gain weight and they want to lose weight) became quite a struggle. hurr. but hopefully i'm a little closer to my target weight now. haha. ~~i will so not bitch about that RUDE, INCONSIDERATE 12-YEAR OLD ANGMOH KID WHO SEEMED TO HAVE FLUSHED HIS MANNERS DOWN THE TOILET BOWL.~~

yup. today was boring. first day of the holiday which i haven't done any sort of physical exercise. i feel fat. well no, actually. i just feel lazy and weak. nevermind. whee.

i'll remember.

2006-10-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

i'll remember what you wrote to me. that there are so many things in life worth smiling for. and if i smile a little more each day, i guess it'll hurt a little less.

you can't
build a house of leaves
and live like
it's an evergreen
it's just a season thing.

selamat hari raya!

2006-10-24T18:45:00.000+08:00

okay random choice of title.

anyway today was a pretty good day since lots of nice things happened. haha. mostly family stuff. went to eat at some dimsum restaurant in chinatown.. which was really really nice. the food and the atmosphere and everything. that's not to say it was quiet or had nice lighting or anything.. it was just very.. chinese in character i guess. bright, noisy, with servers running around pushing trays and random orders being shouted (sporadically) across the room. not to say it was like a coffee shop or anything, but it was really quite nice. well and the food was quite good too so yep ^^".

after that went to some small little dessert place further down the street. seems like chinatown (or at least the part that we went to anyway) has a character of its own, not like the rest of singapore.. maybe it's just a different side to singapore, away from all the towering skyscrapers and clean air-conditioned places. narrow lanes right next to the road, little shops selling interesting little trinkets and a surprisingly large number of tailors. it wasn't really a commercialised, fake chinatown we went to (or at least it seemed to me), although i suppose being a third-generation singaporean i have no idea what a "real" chinatown should look like.

thne went to borders! i've been wanting to go to borders for a long time but just didn't have the money to.. so it's nice when your parents bring you there and let you buy stuff using their money :P bought 3 books. seems like my taste in books have changed somewhat.. away from the entertaining but ultimately rather shallow fantasy and sci-fi to the more personal, human-relationship and real-world kind of stuff. i hope i'll be able to make them last.. i don't want to end up back there buying more books anytime soon. hurr.

finally went to island creamery! well it was supposed to be some coffee joint (which i might have enjoyed more? well not really) but it seems that the place closed down so we ended up there instead. haha. until today i still can't imagine my parents in a place like island creamery. well. had a slice of mudpie which was really really sweet. and of course my parents just had tea and coffee ><" sis had brownie. so we didn't actually try any of the interesting ice-creams there huh. then sent sis back to her hostel (which really looks like a condo in need of a paint job) and then came back.

okay that's like. summary of the day. tmr's mr toh's concert. haha. i wonder how it'll turn out to be like. for those not in the know, he's on life! again today. and so are jz and zf! haha. go and read. too bad they didn't get interviewed or anything.

the road to daybreak.

2006-10-23T12:49:00.000+08:00

well these couple of weeks have been quite a journey for me. i think i've realised just how much i still have to grow in my faith and in my relationship with God.

i think it really all started with a book i borrowed from jarrod, "the road to daybreak" by henri nouwen, a dutch catholic priest, which i've been reading. it's basically his journal which he wrote during a year's stay in a home for the mentally handicapped in france. so far i've managed to read about 30 pages i think.. it's really thought provoking. the events which he chooses to reflect on and the passages he ponders over have really pointed out to me certain areas of spiritual life which i've overlooked, or even rejected somehow. his book is really very open and sincere, and he speaks a lot about the challlenges which he faces with regards to his own spiritual life. his experiences really speak to me somehow i guess, and point out to me how much i've missed out. from the story of the wealthy man who rejected jesus (which incidentally was the gospel passage a couple of weeks back) to the sincere and innocent actions of the handicapped, they really showed me all about committment to God and to others, about poverty, and really about how hard it is to live for Him sometimes.

well in addition to that, father johnson's sermon yesterday also spoke about the same things, about how total committment to God and to the faith really demands much more than just what i've been doing so far. how many people look for a religion that is all about convenience and benefit but nothing about cost and sacrifice, and how sometimes i've viewed my faith as something like that as well. how it always seems so hard just to give a little more time to God, give a little more to charity, give a little more to others, instead of always asking what God can do for me.

i suppose i've also been a little too selfish, a little too judgemental, a little too proud, a little too full of myself, and thus unable to really live a full spiritual life. well. i guess knowing is one thing, and actually trying to change is another.

i'll always think of you

2006-10-13T21:41:00.000+08:00

take your records, take your freedom
take your memories, i don't need'em...

and take mine too. cuz it hurts too much to think of how we used to be. and i'm sick of jumping at shadows everyday. it was just like trying to hold on to the wind as it passed.

response

2006-10-13T00:47:00.000+08:00

well i must say, certain events of the past day have made me feel quite unhappy. well while i suppose i should be glad that my tagboard has actually been filled up so fast, and that people actually bother about what i have to say, i'm a little surprised at how personally some people are taking it. so just to clarify things,

i) i am making a general comment, not a personal attack on anyone. if what i said has greatly discomforted you, then i'm sorry, and you don't really have to continue reading if you really are so incensed by it.

ii) i acknowledge that there may be other viewpoints out there, and i do encourage people who feel disgruntled about the school or about anything at all to air their views. but perhaps one should think through what one wishes to say first, rather than letting emotions get the better of oneself.

iii) i do concede that my language may have been unintentionally harsh, because i suppose i did let my emotions get the better of me. however, should i be allowed to rephrase myself, i would still hold on to the same points of contention. and i suppose, so would you.

well in any case, i'm rather saddened by the fact that some people seem ready to beat me up just because of a few words. violence always seems to me (and i say generally) a rather unpleasant way to end conflicts of opinion. maybe there's a perceived need to hit someone to restore one's injured pride or just to feel good, i'm not sure.

oh and one other thing, please don't bring God into such matters. if you don't believe in Him, then fine, but DON'T brin Him in to insult or demean Him in any way.

ouch.

2006-10-10T23:12:00.000+08:00

pooh thanx to pe today my face has been ruined >.< well not really ruined larh. but i have quite a few scratches around my left eye thanx to a well placed ball to the face struck with some serious power. but oh well. some risks have to be taken i guess. haha.

um. spent quite a bit of time sleeping in school today, thanx to all the breaks, free periods etc. but the lessons i had were fun. we had some lesson on the history of the english language and england during lit.. which was quite enlightening and quite entertaining. since ms ng majored in it so yep. had quite some fun. physics was cool too.. mr raufie totally rawks lorh. he's like. my favourite lecturer so even though it was a proper lesson thing i actually um. enjoyed it. haha.

well on to some b*tching i guess.. which is so unmanly but well i have to say it. we had some survey today on the school and about how it's been.. and some people were really quite against whatever the school was and said it totally sucked and all.. well to those people i guess i just have to say it sure ain't the school's fault, it's yours. seriously. cuz if you just wanna play all day and expect the school just to promote you or to make you pass your tests and do your homework for you and basically be at your bloody beck and call for the whole damn year then i guess you're seriously in the wrong place, and you seriously have the wrong attitude. i mean, if you don't wanna put in your own effort, how can others help you at all? i'm sure i'm not the only weirdo happy with the school right. i guess the school can only give you so much, and you have to make it the rest of the way yourself. and if you can't have the discipline to understand that then well.. don't complain about everything else, cuz it really all boils down to you. okay that was a long rant. i don't know why i'm so affected actually. but oh well.

Keith Urban - You'll Think of Me
I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
But that's OK
There's nothing left to say, but

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me

I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and all your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we got nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me, yeah

And you're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday

saw the mv for this song on the trip to dubai i think.. haven't bothered to download it till now. but it's really quite nice. yep. that's all from me today. aside from the fact that i'm probably visiting my blog more than anyone else now cuz i just wanna stare at my beautiful layout :P

go me!

2006-10-10T00:29:00.000+08:00

okay i just finished my little template in 2 days. i love it i really really do ^.^ can't you totally tell!? okay i'm going a little crazy. must be the lack of sleep plus the sense of satisfaction getting to me. but i must say i'm really quite rusty at html. so um. quite a bit of the code was kinda ripped from xuehao's layout (whose creator i cannot find so i cannot link) and a little from jeanette's layout (see the thanks to area). it was quite like a refresher course for me or something. haha. all the old info flooding back in. i rmb how i used to spend quite a bit of time doing all that last time.. oh well. nice to know i can still do it (with some help of course ^.^).

everything these few days has been a blur.. i think in my sleep-deprived, computer-polluted, voice-dissolving haze i actually seem to miss out on a lot in life. missed bernard's birthday party, missed all the hours of piano practice i could have put in, missed prison break ep 3 (ARGH!), missed talking to quite a few people. but oh well. i guess after promos you kinda think "hey i have some time let's do stuff" but end up not doing much, just getting hooked onto the com (again) and not doing anything else.

screwed up op dry run today. i won't talk about it. well actually i'll mention a little larh i guess. i thought the nervousness would have gone away alr, considering all the time i've been on the stage with the choir and stuff. but it's different when you don't have other people standing around you and you aren't prepared at all. so maybe i should really take a little time to practice instead of thinking "i can do it" just because i've done it so many times before in the past. well i was usually pretty nervous during those sec school presentations but i did seem to manage to keep it under control.. maybe it was just the lack of sleep. oh well.

okay i would like to blog but it's really getting late. so i should really turn in. ciao! sorry if all of you readers (like how many can there be, pls) missed me :P

hmmm

2006-09-24T00:20:00.000+08:00

okay i'm quite happy today. haha. first home win for arsenal! okay so they did take a while to score but it kinda looks like they're getting a little back to their old good selves ^^" and lampard scored his penalty! haha okay that's good for him. and he scored the other goal too which wasn't too bad. but i still think it looked a little shabby. burrh.

right so before this becomes the third soccer entry in a row. i managed to (finally) finish that awful sept hols math revision ex, which took me like 20 sheets of paper (yes i know, poor trees). can't imagine all the frustration and crap that i went through just doing it. but i think i really need to go over a few of the questions again, esp those that i took hours (well, not always literally) just to solve ><" i am so dreading that prospect.

besides that i went through othello and hopefully i can remember most of what i've scribbled down, cuz i really need to be moving on to heart of darkness. anw an interesting quote from one of the othello introductions.. "when we look into iago's heart we find, at the end, that we are looking into the HEART OF DARKNESS" errr okay. so the lit texts are kinda interlinked eh. nevermind.

and i went through econs. market failure and govt intervention. and i have a page of healthcare notes. so they better come out k! although i wouldn't mind something else like.. smoking. okay nevermind.

watched v for vendetta today! well yes in case you're asking i DID spend almost all my time at night at the tv. which wasn't really a bad thing larh i guess.. haha. it was such a cool show lorh i can't believe i missed it in the cinema. it's like. 1984 meets phantom of the opera meets errr. some action show i can't think of the title right now. yup. quite nice. i think the last part was really really cool. the wachowski brothers really know how to make films.

and for the last thought of the day.. soccer skills are really quite like dancing. smile! (=

xabi alonso...

2006-09-22T01:23:00.000+08:00

...is another reason to watch liverpool. hurr. seriously. people who can pass like that and score from their own half are worthy of my time.

grand slam sunday.

2006-09-18T01:08:00.000+08:00

hmmm i don't know why i'm watching so much soccer this close to promos but i think it was well worth it haha. okay first things first...

ARSENAL WON!! ((: *bounce bounce* okay anyway. it was pretty good. and rosicsky and fabregas were brilliant as usual. well for fabregas anyway, since rosicsky's new. but i like him. wahaha. okay. nevermind. but seriously, against man u at old trafford it was pretty unbelievable. jens lehmann was awesome too. i mean, how many keepers can save shots with their faces! wow. well, ouch, actually, but wow too. haha. i'm surprised he didn't break anything. and the last couple of saves to keep man u out, esp the one against solskjaer. yep yep. okay i'm pretty happy now. can you tell? (:

well on the other match.. ballack sent of for "violent conduct" (lolx that was quite a funny justification by the 4th official) and drogba with a beauty of a goal.. i need to learn how to do those things. haha. lampard and gerrard.. well not really great larh. sad for me, cuz the only reason i watch liverpool is for gerrard and the only reason i watch chelsea is for lampard.. haha. stupid gerard should have scored but nevermind i'll forgive him since i'm in such a nice happy mood now (:

hmmm i think that's all for today ^.^ sorry all you non-soccer fans (:

i'd give up forever to touch you.

2006-09-10T21:23:00.000+08:00

went swimming today. which was probably the highlight of the day? haha. first time to the club in ages. looks like the renovation's proceeding quite well. looks quite pretty with all the glass all around.. yep. haha.

think i really need to work on muscle endurance.. seems like i can't swim too many laps without needing to stop. or maybe i just swim too fast. must learn to pace myself properly i guess. oh well. i've got the dec hols to work on it (=

didn't do any work so far today (well i have my math in front of me now k so i'm trying :P) which isn't very good.. but i guess a r&r day was necessary. haha. even though i'm not sure why. i hardly do work anyway.

hmmm what else.

ooh finally found the song that i listened to on the radio some time back which was really really nice. haha. saw the mv on mtv.. was pretty cool. they showed 2 versions too! haha. the original by goo goo dolls and the one done by ronan keating. the goo goo dolls are just so great when it comes to lyrics and music. ah well. anyway seems like john rzenzik (lead singer with a cool surname) asked ronan keating to do the cover. cool. haha.

go here to view the ronan keating mv.. i think its pretty cool.. and the locations are really spectacular. shot in dubai! pity all we saw of dubai was the stupid airport. grr.

Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am..

humour me.

2006-09-09T21:26:00.000+08:00

okay i must admit that ever since coming home around 6 today i haven't done any work whatsover. but i did manage to do about 6 hours of rather productive work in school today so i'm pretty happy. heh. james lee says he's gonna be in school tmr.. maybe i should go join him lolx. couple of no-lifers in school on a sunday.

anyway been reading humourous college stories (most of which have not been proven rue) for about 2 hours.. it started out as an innocent enquiry as to what was an "urban legend".. oh well. haha. but some of them are really quite funny. go read www.snopes.com for details. haha.

okay short update. bye.

for you i'd bleed myself dry.

2006-09-06T22:33:00.000+08:00

okay i dunno whether i've posted this before and don't really care if i have. haha. was reading whao's blog and came upon his full moon comment. and it kinda reminded me of it.

Yellow - Coldplay

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow."

So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to've done,
And it was all yellow.

Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
And you know
You know I love you so,
You know I love you so.

I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
Cuz you were all yellow,

I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all yellow.

Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
And you know,
For you I'd bleed myself dry,
For you I'd bleed myself dry.

It's true, look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for...
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine...

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do.

well these few days haven't really been productive.. haven't done much (as i dreaded, it really feels like the last week of june hols before cts). had some retreat thing today in school. which was quite meaningful i guess. haha. i can't really say it's a break from studies cuz i haven't really been studying.. oops. but well. it's a less guilty form of escapism i guess.. instead of warcraft 3 all day haha.

and somedays i just have no idea at all what you're trying to do..

my love for you was blind.

2006-09-04T23:16:00.000+08:00

You scored as Eyes full of Pain. People tend to overlook you, which makes you feel less worthy of their attentions. You sometimes wish you could just disapear from the world around you. You have been hurt very badly in the past and you just wish that someone would understand you, and what their cruelty is doing to you.

Eyes full of Pain

75%

Passion

50%

Mysterious

42%

Diamond Eyes

17%

What do your eyes reveal about you?(PICS!)
created with QuizFarm.com

Blind - Lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

no one ever said it would be this hard.

2006-09-03T22:53:00.000+08:00

this car was parked next to ours at orchard hotel last night (which is where i had my dinner aren't you all jealous now :P). my parents don't think it's hot. do you? i do. hurr. of course, at 460k (for the CLK55 AMG version) incl. COE, it's quite out of budget hurr. monthly installments of 6k? crazy. anyway.

dinner last night was good. filling. haha. had lots and lots of seafood, which was probably the only thing good there. oysters, drunken prawns, barbecued tiger prawns (which were actually kinda dry and poorly done).. yeah. actually the selection was quite lousy.. looks more targeted to foreigners who want to try local cuisine (since there were indian, malay and chinese sections, and the western section only had baked potatoes..) rather than for locals who want to eat well. but it was a good, filling meal. and they had decent ice-cream (movenpick). of course i didn't bother to look at the price-tag hurr.

haven't done much these couple of days. have been trying to keep regular hours (but i'm failing to today cuz i MUSTmustMust finish my summation tutorial for tmr's lesson), and sadly i can't seem to study in the afternoon, and only reaching late at night do i truly get "awake". oh well. maybe i'm fated to be a nocturnal creature. rarr.

played close to 2hrs of piano today. which really surprised me. cuz i can't usually stay on it for more than an hour. i never realised how beautiful fur elise was until recently.. it really gives you a lot of leeway with expression (well it does say poco moto :P), which is what i really like, rather than some piece with superstrict tempo. and the tune is just plain beautiful larh. heh. i think i'll keep all the fast and crazily exciting songs on hold for the moment since i can't seem to get my technique right (i tend to lock my arm which makes it really really tiring to play ><), and besides emo pieces are more my forte anyway (oh well what to do haha).

hurr what else what else..

i feel like taking a course on drums in the dec hols. not all the fake vocal percussion stuff (heh) but the real drum set drums. just for exposure rather than anything else. or maybe i should get a job instead. haha. but that's really thinking too far ahead. promos in 23 days. shucks. go me.

The Scientist - Coldplay

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Heads on the science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin',
At numbers and figures,
Pullin' the puzzles apart.

Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh on I rush to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' up tails,
Comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

the holidays cometh.

2006-09-01T14:14:00.000+08:00

and i have a horrible feeling that they'll be as useless as the one week i had after trip + YI. hmm. well at least this time i've done things a little differently.

1) i have a mugging plan up. which started like. 1 1/2 weeks before the end of august. and which i am now lagging behind on. but not that badly i guess, since i didn't schedule that much on those days. hurr.

2) i have scrounged around for a nice-looking pocket file which i hope i'll use to organise my stuff properly now. instead of having it flutter all over the place. (:

3) i've tried to stop sleeping weird hours. which has kind of worked out a little i guess. feel less tired during the hot muggy afternoons. which doesn't mean i've put them to better use but NEVERMIND THAT.

well that's all i've done i think hurr. maybe i'll be able to do some other things along the way to make things better. and then i'll get decent results and i'll be happy ^.^

okay that's all (:

slp pls. hurr.

2006-08-29T19:53:00.000+08:00

hmm today was quite a fulfilling day. i actually managed to stay awake through all the lessons, with only one cup of coffee in the morning. well of course today was quite a slack day larh but still, quite a feat ^.^

physics test came back today. 24/35. not bad larh. could be better if i hadn't made strange careless mistakes like forgetting to square the 2-pi and only squaring the frequency. and plugging in the wrong graph. but oh well. still quite decent.

i think the lecturer's quite cool. cheemeng said that his physics won't be in such a horrid state if this lecturer took us for all lectures. i guess i'm a little inclined to agree with him.

pe was sad.. we didn't get to play soccer. hurr. and the teams were actually quite balanced today.. cuz only 3 dudes from the other class were taking pe, so our class had to split. of course wongli will totally disagree about this point but nevermind :P

got the choir scores today. need to look through them before tmr but i really really need sleep (almost overslept on the bus today). rarr. well i'll see what i can do. ^.^

how often we forget.

2006-08-27T23:13:00.000+08:00

"...On his weekly visit, my grandfather would squeeze my puny arm - for I was not eating and was losing weight - and say 'Eat, you must eat.' He would look at me with his kindly eyes, and then not know what else ot say.

The hardy immigrant who, during his lifetime, had survived an arduous sea journey, the Japanese occupation, and all kinds of hardship, coul dnot understand why this grandson, who had the benefit of an education, who never had to suffer, was now suffering.

'Eat, grow strong,' was all he could offer.

...

Now, as I trace with my finger the inscription of his name on the cool marble, I realise this is the legacy he has left me: to learn to be strong, to be unafraid, to take change as it comes, and to live a life that is committed to at least one thing - to work, the family or the community."
- Richard Lim in Got Singapore, pg 40-41

"Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident! Do not be afraid or discouraged, for I, the LORD your God, am with you wherever you go."
- Joshua 1:9

"Simon Peter answered him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
- John 6:68-69

it's just pain.

2006-08-26T20:49:00.000+08:00

don't underestimate the power of alcohol in making a bad day seem better than it is.

and when all is said and done, you're still one hell of a girl.

what hurts the most.

2006-08-25T00:13:00.000+08:00

what hurts the most
was being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could have been
and not seeing that loving you
is what i was trying to do.

everything happens according to God's plan, doesn't it? but then we have free will as well. what if we choose wrong? and things slip by us? is it still God's plan then?

hooked on coldplay.

2006-08-22T22:05:00.000+08:00

look at the stars, look how they shine for you
and all the things you do

yellow is an awfully nice song. and awfully hard to play too. i mean. the chords are easy enough but when you try to play it more authentically, you end up trying to play barred esus4 and d chords which are really really strange. oh well. practice and practice i guess. haha.

come up to meet you
tell you i'm sorry
you don't know how lovely you are.

i had to find you
tell you i need you
tell you i set you apart.

the scientist is cool. but i keep forgetting the lyrics. and it gets kinda draggy sometimes. haha. well if i made an MV of myself i'll probably use coldplay anyway. cuz it kinda starts with piano and then guit and then. oh well. but the MV for the scientist is quite cool. the coldplay one.

x&y wasn't a very nice album. hurr. but fix you is nice. and til kingdom come. the hidden track. okay this is a random post.

tomorrow is wednesday. i used to look forward to wednesdays. now i just dread them. and it's all because of you.

and you know, for you i'd bleed myself dry.

ps. does anyone have chasing cars by snow patrol? i want ^^"

nothing like bitter laughter.

2006-08-21T21:18:00.000+08:00

you know sometimes you just read little angsty posts. and you end up laughing. cuz they just sound so ridiculous. and you can't believe people really go about doing all this kind of thing.

but then i realise, sometimes i'm not laughing cuz it's ridiculous. i'm laughing cuz it's just all too true. king of angst? hell no. but sometimes you just feel like there's a little kinship with others, and you feel somewhat comforted by the fact that there's someone else out there who seems to go through everything you feel. kindred spirits, or whatever not. whatever rot, more like.

[edit]

okay that was really quite funny.

whee.

2006-08-17T23:03:00.000+08:00

haha. today's pe was pretty fun. i think ballroom dancing and i go hand in hand. err okay not really but nevermind. haha. sue's a great partner (excuse me, heng :P) and well. yeah (= so strange though we got picked as demonstration pair cuz the teacher says we got symmetry and good movement and i suppose we're just good lar (= okay. nevermind i shall stop here.

anyway i was feeling kinda blue just now when i got home (same reason as a few days back and for the past month or so i guess). but i found this little thing called "the blue day book" in my cupboard. haha. and so i'm not blue anymore ^.^ so um. if anyone's feeling blue just tell me and i'll let you see it and then you'll be happy too. whee. okay back to work. random post.

word of the day.

2006-08-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

was thinking about things on the way back from mass and dinner today, and the word just popped into my mind. so well. i guess i'll share it. haha.

TENACIOUS - (adj) stubbornly unyielding; "dogged persistence"; "dour determination"

well. just interesting.

anyway. i realise i've really been looking at things the wrong way the past few weeks. just because labours don't yield the results you want them to doesn't mean you should just stop. cuz who knows. determination and perseverance will definitely get you somewhere. and even if, in the end, you still fail, at least you can look back and say "i tried", and feel better about the whole thing.

and while there may be some things i want that i can't seem to get, well, there's only one thing i really need. God's love. and that is something that will never go lacking. and whatever life throws at me, i'll just hold on to this, and i realise that if i do, then nothing can really ever get me down. ^^" cheers.

i should stop doing these.

2006-08-13T20:51:00.000+08:00

You Should Rule Saturn

Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye.

You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature.
And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone must delve beyond your appearance.

You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life.
You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has past.

What Planet Should You Rule?

hmmm well. i think the last para is really quite me. haha.
okay acutally the rest of those i try come up with very un-me things. so nevermind. haha.

sometimes you can't make it on your own.

2006-08-10T21:15:00.000+08:00

Who Should Paint You: M.C. Escher

Open and raw, you would let your true self show for your portrait.
And even if your painting turned out a bit dark, it would be honest.

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

Hmmm well this was interesting. M.C. Escher was a Dutch graphic artist known for his often mathematically inspired woodcuts, lithographs and mezzotints which feature impossible constructions, explorations of infinity, and tessellations.

Impossible constructions indeed. Go check them out they're quite cool.. maths applied to arts. Exciting.

all the world's a stage angsty.

2006-08-06T23:42:00.000+08:00

i never noticed how much angst there is in the world today. and how much angst i really contribute to the global output. like seriously. okay last week was like the peak output of the year for me or something. and maybe some people got put off. i guess i could attribute it to being drained due to lack of sleep, cuz we all know that our silent fortresses and walls and defences that we build around our inner selves just crumble when we can't find the energy to keep them up. well as gerard says it's all a facade. and sometimes you just lack the energy to maintain it. and that's when everything just comes out.

oddly though, it seems that once you've gotten past that stage and built back your walls, all that emotional outburst is just so ridiculous it makes you want to laugh at your total immaturity. seriously, sometimes teenage angst and toddler temper tantrums (whoa what alliteration, and what great literary effects created) just have too much in common.

funny thing is though, even though you know it's silliness, you always somehow end up doing the same things over and over and over again. well i do anyway. and seriously, i think emotional maturity is a long long way from me. and i might need to develop it before i start on the road to anywhere.

anyway, speaking about global output of angst. i was really thinking of how inefficient this makes you. like. you end up spending ages and ages angsting and emo-ing out, and you just get distracted from all the more important things, like CCA, studies, personal development etc. (i don't think writing angst poetry is really a good personal development).

so i was just thinking. maybe i should make that long trek back up the mountain again. and take over whao's residence there (he seems to be moving out anyway). and gain some emotional enlightenment there before climbing back down again.

then maybe when i look back at this, i might actually have something more than just angst to remember.

respect

2006-08-05T22:24:00.000+08:00

well some people think that certain people have to be accorded respect cuz of their position, and others think that whoever it is, respect has to be earned.

i think that both views hold true. esp for people in authority, the position has to be accorded respect.

but if whoever is in authority abuses her/his power or acts in a manner that does not deserve respect, then respect can be lost.

and really, once respect is lost its twice as hard to earn it back.

good things never last.

2006-08-01T17:46:00.000+08:00

i was going to blog last night about how silly my angsty post was.

but i guess now i realise.

that good moods just don't last.

and in the end you just end up feeling the same.

whether it takes an hour or a day, you just end up feeling like shit all over again.

but is the fault really all my own i wonder.

tongue-tied.

2006-07-30T12:29:00.000+08:00

there are many times that one feels the need to comfort another, yet can't seem to find the right words to say it.. and that just leaves one feeling pretty much defeated. sounds familiar? hurr. happens to me quite often.

anyway. it's been a while since i've had a proper conversation with you. everytime i tell myself to try it seems as though 1) there's nothing much to say anyway, 2) you're always busy with other things/other people or 3) you aren't really interested in what i have to say anyway. i can't really say it's driving me nuts, cuz i'm kinda resigned to it already. but i guess it's quite a sad situation isn't it. from my point of view anyway. maybe everything i believed in was just some self-delusional fantasy. it's really beginning to sound that way.

oh man. that was really really angsty. laughably angsty. but it kinda fits in, considering what my class seems to have turned into these few weeks. hurr. bunch of angst-ridden teenagers. not a very pretty sight.

the (non)science of human emotions.

2006-07-27T22:41:00.000+08:00

was just thinking about whao's "theories".. and had a really weird reaction. hurr.

i mean. all that nonsense about elastic and inelastic collisions, rel. speed of approach/seperation, free radicals and halogenation and all that..

in the end you realise that science is science. and matters of the heart are matters of the heart. you can't chuck kinematics and chem together any more than you can chuck science in with feelings.

oh well. just some random transient thoughts. i seem to be missing some already but that's the way thoughts are i guess.

reach for the stars

2006-07-25T23:45:00.000+08:00

actually read my blog caption today. well i guess some stars are just never meant to be reached. by me anyway. so why can't i just be content?

now i'm banging on the door of an angel.

2006-07-24T00:56:00.000+08:00

just a thought.. why is it that we can feel disappointed and dejected that something doesn't happen, when we knew from the start it would never turn out the way we hoped for anyway? hope can be such a wonderful and painful thing. oh well.

100!

2006-07-22T00:03:00.000+08:00

yeah i took a really long time to hit 100 posts didn't i. hurr. anyway i notice i haven't blogged much besides song lyrics and quotes recently. so i'll try to blog properly.

seems like i've been fluctuating between 7 and 17 recently.. between immaturity and less immaturity. i think av said that i sometimes act 27? i don't know. seems like that bit of me has gone into hibernation or something.

i think its really strange some of the moods that i go through everyday. i mean. so many different emotions triggered by the same thing. and well. it's just odd. that you can feel so many different and sometimes conflicting things for one thing alone. well that didn't really make sense did it.

finally went back for the catholic morning meetings on thurs after my jaunt to alaska, as jarrod put it. i told him that it was actually the north pole. oh well. anyway we did the sacredspace thing, and the verse was matthew 11: 28-30.. i guess it really means a lot to me now, esp since i'm like. facing a somewhat difficult period now, relationship/work/cca wise. and struggling to find myself i guess, after that strange week of disillusionment that i had (and that bus ride with av that i'll be totally thankful for). it said a lot to me, about always being able to let go and let God.. and when the going gets tough you know that he'll always be there for you. so yeah. quite encouraging.

think another point that jarrod brought up was that situations become easier when you stop trying to use your own imperfect love, and just let God's love flow through you instead.. and that made a lot of sense to me that day. and i guess i'll try to remind myself everyday to do that, especially when i feel that i can't seem to love anyone anymore.

spent some time today with my parents. went for supper after my prayer meeting.. i think i really don't spend enough time with them.. for goodness sakes i don't even know what they're doing now.. except that my mum is doing 3 part-time jobs for 2 months. i don't know what my father does except that he does housework at night.. and i don't think they know much about me either. well this month is supposed to be family awareness month, at least for my parish.. so i think it's really time that i get to know them better.. i mean i might not get so close to them as to end up telling them all my woes and all my girl problems (theoretical, of course =P) and everything.. but i just wanna get to know them again, and to be able to see someone more than just "my mother/father the stranger" at home.

i think all the problems came in about sec 1/2, when i started becoming awfully rebellious for whatever strange reasons that teenagers have for doing such things.. peer influence or whatever. and then we really really drifted apart until like. the end of last year? when i decided that i should really stop being so horrible.. but it's been quite hard, to be honest, to really love them the way God wants me to. and i'm sure i still fail almost everyday. but i just hope that God will continue to guide me through and i'll be able to get close to my parents again. yay.

okay i'm like doing a reflection on my life here. there's still a lot to think about larh, and i guess i have so much time to myself sometimes.. i should just think about all these things and sort myself out? instead of stoning around and imagining/getting depressed over totally unlikely situations. haha. i guess that's something i still gotta learn. time management. erm. but that's a little off the topic for today. haha.

oh and i'm just having a slight headache now. cuz i was looking through the tour vids for possible footage to use, and i realise reggie can't shoot video for nuts (i'm sorry reggie, but seriously, it's not like shooting a photo.. your shutter speed isn't in fractions of milliseconds). so yeah. get a tripod next time or something :PP okay that's all from me on my 100th post ^.^ cya next time. haha.

Ragdoll

2006-07-20T23:39:00.000+08:00

How ya feelin'?
The day has had its way with both of us
And oh, I've gone out of my way
But I'm not free
From this pain I'm feeling
I was a fool to think someday
You would come around
But no, no, no
I'm not thinking that way

'Cause now i see
You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just want to scream

I think you should just go away 'cause
There's no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby
You're not comin' in

How's your day been?
'Cause mine has taken strange and ugly turns
But no, no, no
I feel better today
Because I'm off my knees

You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just want to scream

I think you should just go away 'cause
There's no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby
You're not comin' in
A heart ready for a life of sorrow
No you can't come back tomorrow
Shut my windows
Lock my doors
'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore

I think you should just go away 'cause
There's no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby
You're not comin' in
A heart ready for a life of sorrow
No you can't come back tomorrow
Shut my windows
Lock my doors
'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore
'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore

its time to take control of my life back.

sometimes i wish you'd just go.

2006-07-17T23:07:00.000+08:00

i realise that i don't know enough songs. cuz whenever i wanna emo out on my guit it seems that i play the same few songs over and over again everytime i pick it up. which is really quite >.< i really need to find more songs to express myself. haha.

anyway, just some interesting quotes from physics tutorial last week by mrs lim. wanted to post them up earlier but was too lazy.

"x is not x; x is x not."
(explanation of displacement and amplitude for oscillations)

"The phase angle shows the position of the body at the beginning of time."
(wow. like you mean just when the big bang happened?)

okay somehow they aren't really funny anymore. oh well.

what is maturity?

2006-07-05T23:30:00.000+08:00

what is this strange obscure yardstick that we seem to measure ourselves by? and how do we really know when we get there? is it a ticket to anywhere at all? does it give some sort of status? just a question i haven't really bothered asking myself for a long long while. but i thought maybe i'd try again. since evidently, i seem to think i've been acting rather immaturely for the past 4 months or so. just looked around the internet for a little inspiring messages and here's what i found (from www.storybin.com:

"Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction. Maturity is patience. It is the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of the long-term gain. Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging set-backs. Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse. Maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say, "I was wrong." And, when right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying, "I told you so."

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. The immature spend their lives exploring endless possibilities; then they do nothing.

Maturity means dependability, keeping one's word, coming through in a crisis. The immature are masters of the alibi. They are the confused and the disorganized. Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business, and good intentions that somehow never materialize.

Maturity is the art of living in peace with that which we cannot change, the courage to change that which should be changed -- and the wisdom to know the difference."

pretty accurate.

end.

2006-07-05T19:55:00.000+08:00

i'm sick of all this nonsense. its just a waste of my time. time that i can't afford to lose. i thought this time it might be different, but i guess i just haven't grown up yet. i'm still the same old childish, immature, unenlightened me.

but seriously, it's time to stop.

You..

2006-07-04T21:55:00.000+08:00

attract me confound me
amaze me and torment me
draw me in, spit me out
set me afire and drown me

and like a rapid river
fast flowing, you
sweep me away all
cold wet confused through
mud slime and clear crystal waterfalls

and after every emotion is spent
i find myself in uncharted waters --

with you.

cannonball

2006-07-02T12:15:00.000+08:00

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer TO me
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

well i don't know anything.

2006-06-19T04:01:00.000+08:00

i guess you'll never need me as much as i need you. but that's okay.

cuz it's you and me, and all other people and i don't know why, i can't keep my eyes off of you.

something in your eyes, something in your smile

2006-05-29T01:06:00.000+08:00

has it been wishful thinking all the way? maybe. but i don't wanna believe that. looking forward to tomorrow. i'm suffering withdrawal symptoms already.

here without you..

2006-05-24T21:56:00.000+08:00

.. but you're stil with me in my dreams.

it's bitterly ironic. how can something give you such happiness and yet such pain. it's getting harder to push you away. sometimes i feel like prometheus, tied up on that cliffside, with that raven pecking out my liver everyday. it's just that i'm willingly calling for that raven, and i'm willingly chained there. sounds quite masochistic.

seeing you makes me smile, yet brings such despair inside.
i wish you'd smile at me, yet i wish you'd just leave me alone.
i yearn to see that sparkle in your eyes, but you just turn your face away.
i want to hyear your voice, yet i wish you'd just shut up.
i miss you, and still i wish you'd go away and never come back.
i want to go to sleep, and yet i don't, because i know you'll be there waiting for me on the other side.

and it's getting harder to believe..

2006-05-23T22:31:00.000+08:00

... and i'm tangled up in you.

you make me wanna..

2006-05-22T00:39:00.000+08:00

okay i'm having second dinner in front of my com at 1238am. i have pan-fried chicken (which i made myself ^^"), potato wedges and instant mee (well actually i cooked everything myself larh haha). listening to music, playing yahoo mahjong, feeling pretty good about everything.

i can't believe 1/4 of my JC life is going to be over already. it's already term 2 week 10. when i look back, seems like i've just been stoning around, not really doing much. it feels very. unsatisfying. there were some high points larh, mostly all the chorale stuff (concert, chalet etc) but in the end, without chorale, my life is.. quite empty. now that i'm just SL, i'll be having quite a lot of time to myself still. time for myself.. but i really have to start looking for things to fill it up. or else i'll just end up wasting my time (and money, thanks to all the teh bings) after school and doing nothing. i don't really think academics is the thing (although it's important!) but i don't know whats there to pursue already. i took up tennis with the hope that i'll play tennis in JC.. but my training cocked up halfway and that 'dream' is gone now. seems like all i really live for is chorale.. and even that isn't much now.

been thinking about everything that's happened recently, especially.. and i guess i'm still quite directionless, just drifting along doing nothing in particular. maybe i really have to start thinking about what i really want in my life. and planning ahead instead of taking each day as it comes. and i have to believe that planning works so that it doesn't fail from the beginning. it's just. i'm not ready to commit to something anymore. i committed to chorale and it didn't turn out as i expected.. i guess i'm just 'once bitten, twice shy'. oh well. this is depressing. and the title is so unsuited. but nevermind. i won't write about that today.

swing, swing.

2006-05-08T23:36:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry chin ee and ivee and chin ee's parents. i guess i was quite bleah in the car today on the way home, and i guess i did some really irritating and silly little things. so just um. ignore me and um. yeah. sry.

just back from another 3k run. hmmm. i somewhat doubt it's 3k lorh... i mean. 14 min is just a little too fast.. haha. or maybe it was just the music.. it really helps to pace me and push me on. oh well.

i guess i was trying to run away from everything. from all the horrible feelings inside me today. i was feeling quite shit about everything, and i was quite resolved to ignore some people alr, for some really childish reasons. but i suppose the run really cleared my head up.

anyway, how can i ever resist you. haix.

thanx ivee you're such a sweet senior.. i really didn't expect the cds lorh.. you've been really really great to me ever since last year and everything.. i'm really glad to have you around ^^" *hugs* (okay that was a really girl thing but nevermind!rarr.)

i was thinking of posting lyrics up today. or that really angsty poem/that really angsty prose that i wrote. but oh well. the mood sort of wore off.

complain-king, this is for you.

2006-05-04T21:44:00.000+08:00

i don't see why some people complain about jc life being so horrible and detestable. i mean, they keep saying they can't keep up with their work, teachers are unreasonable etc etc.. but these are the exact same people who sleep/talk kok in every lecture/tutorial, advocate mass slackerism ("everyone don't do work! [the teacher] can't give us ALL white slips lorh"), play dota at home, and generally don't give a shit about school work. well sure, maybe cca quite stress, got match, got season, whatever. but seriously lorh. you just have to prioritise.. i mean, isn't learning something during lecture/tutorial more important than talking kok? especially when you have cca training and you know that you have no time at home to catch up? and how can you really blame the teachers for scolding you for not doing work? they can't say don't give you work, let you play all day and then flunk your a-levels right. and they can't give you the whole year to do one tutorial, because they have so much more to teach, and there are other students who (to the surprise of all these loudmouths) actually want to learn something and get decent grades for common tests/promos.

ms koo (maths tutor) exploded today. not in a way most teachers do. she's a really really mild person.. tolerates a whole lot of shit, whether it's from the lecture group or our class.. but today she really just broke and scolded us. and it really got to me.. cuz she's really quite concerned for us, but so many people take her mildness for granted and just doesn't care about her, since they're always just thinking of how they can get away with not doing work since she's such a nice person and everything. sometimes i just wonder.. what's wrong with my class? i mean yeah we're noisy, rowdy and we have lots and lots of fun.. but can't we be serious when we have to? like during lessons? so many of them are DSA through sports and everything.. but why come to RJ just to play sports, have fun, and get 4 Fs for promos? why not go to some other JC full of other like-minded slackers, and just have fun there, without all the caring, concerned teachers breathing down your necks?

i guess its quite human to want to have fun. but really, isn't it time to start caring about others as well? care about our teachers, our classmates who want to learn, ourselves and our own future?

post-bleus.

2006-04-26T23:43:00.000+08:00

well. i guess i can just continue being sad and disappointed... or i can just fall back on the happy knowledge that yeah, i do have a lot of support from many people in chorale, and if i didn't get the post.. well all that's bruised is my pride i suppose.. and everyone can use a little humility sometimes. so thanx all of you who supported me and offered all the little things to help me through yesterday and today. (: thanx punchie gurl for the chocs... haha. they're really really nice. and so are you. ^^" and thanx loads and loads to my angel ^^" yay. bestest angel in the whole world. i dunno whether my guess of your identity is correct larh.. but yeah. it's okay, you're still the best angel anyone can ever have! so thanx everyone again. whee. okay i need to do my work now. ciao!

Post-election.

2006-04-25T23:06:00.000+08:00

The Old Saying

The old saying's wrong.
You don't fall among the stars
When you miss that lunar stop.
Gravity just pulls you back to earth
At 9.81 ms ^-2 (that's to 3 s.f.)

Well there are clouds there, of course
To cushion that long fall down.
But little wisps of nothingness do little
When terminal velocity kicks in.

I guess i'll just enjoy the long ride down
(Go with the flow, as they say)
And while i'm falling i'll calculate
Just how big that impact crater will be,
And how many pieces
I might be in.

randomness.

2006-04-23T21:15:00.000+08:00

got this off carol's blog. quite accurate actually. for a piece of semi-random bs. haha.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy (Ivee will so totally agree with this after what she said about my ass on tues haha). Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered (heh). Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful (who me? hmmm). Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners (haha. everyone just shut up.). Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize nyahahahahar. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistical. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

advert.

2006-04-14T23:54:00.000+08:00

.noitcelfer

2006-04-14T00:48:00.000+08:00

Crash And Burn - Savage Garden

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

it's quite an old song, but i think it's really really really sweet and nice and everything. i think one of the worst things that has ever happened was the breakup of savage garden. cuz i think darren hayes can't do anything by himself. okay.
(don't really feel like saying anything more. hmm.)

mmMMhmm.

2006-04-10T19:02:00.001+08:00

i realise i have many many unknown contacts on my msn list. i also have many many people who never ever sign in. but oh well who cares. i'll just leave it in its messy state. it isn't important anyway and i don't know why i just blogged about it.

the weather's been getting cooler recently. it used to be hot but now it's not really anymore. well for those of you who know about me you'll probably decipher tonnes and tonnes of information from those two sentences. but oh well. it's true i guess. haha. okay i feel oddly semi-high right now.

um. yesterday yesterday. yesterday was interesting. i don't know whether i should blog about it. we'll see.

um. what else. should i talk about opening ceremony prac/ora useless thing? um. i think i shall. haha. um. well basically we got to skip like. 2 days of lessons and just stone around in the parade square and rot. sounds like real fun right. well. that's the problem when everyone else in the stupid programme has some problem that has to be settled but you (chorale as a whole) don't. you just waste your time doing nothing. oh well but i guess i get to spend some time with some of my chorale mates.. so it wasn't really say bad or anything. you know. bonding and all. ~~shopping.~~ um. okay just ignore that word. ladeedum nobody saw anything. of course the bad thing was that money seems to leak out of my wallet somehow. i think i spent like. 100+, close to 150. ouch. well not on those 2 days only larh. like. for the week. and on sat and sun. and today. which is mon.

caught ice age 2 on friday. really really cool thing which didn't really make sense but was super funny and super touching and everything. so yeah. it was basically super. well worth the 8 bucks. actually it would even have been worth 9.50 i think. and no it isn't just because i got to spend more time with my chorale mates. heh.

saturday was just weird. morning thing was quite okay. glad avonne was happy with her present. i think it was one of my more inspired wrappings. but now i have problems cuz i don't know if i can top that anymore. i think it's like. the pinnacle of my wrapping achievements or something. i shall see. haha. sorry all the other april birthday dudes if your present isn't as exquisitely wrapped. oh well that was just like self-praise but nevermind. didn't feel well after lunch so was convinced by ivee to go home and sleep which i did, for like. 5 hours. woke up for dinner then fell asleep again. was in a semi-conscious state and replied like. 2 msgs to av. before dropping off to oblivion again. woke up at 5 the next day (sun). not really the best experience. oh well. wait someone just msged me. bah. horrible classmate asking about homework. bleah. (ok i'm sorry classmate.)

sunday. well i did say i wouldn't touch sunday.

um. monday was okay. that's today. went to school to do work and semi-succeeded. got drafted into genevieve/zhuoyi/random person/random other person's campaign group as unpaid manual labour for about half an hour or so. not a very fun experience. oh well. the after-campaign party that i was promised better be good. haha. after that went to eat and then went to swim. the sun was kinda perfect for a while but after like. 10 minutes it ran away and hid behind the clouds and summoned up all the thunder and lightning (which luckily was still quite far off). slept practically the whole way home on the bus. and i'm eating dinner now and blogging. and my hokkien mee is getting cold. so i should stop. whee.

eek i can't put the silly quiz thing in cuz it screws up my template. anyway for all those interested i am actually a nymph. hmm. and i'm artfully naked. okay just ignore that. it sounded wrong. i'm thoughtful caring and hopeful but also possessive lonely and lost. lost!? bah. i suppose. um. okay i just thought of something really odd which i WILL SO NOT BE WRITING HERE.

no riddles, please.

2006-04-03T05:30:00.000+08:00

haha. dad woke up at 5 again instead of 6. anw i did have some work to do (which i don't seem to be bothering about anyway) so i got up as well. can't get myself to do work so i'm here blogging.

anyway. i hate it when people beat around the stupid bush and talk in riddles. makes my head swim for one. hint hint here, a trace of something else there, expecting people to put the stupid puzzle together. well i'm fine with puzzles, but i actually need all the pieces? or maybe i'm just reading everything wrong. which really happens most of the time. i suppose that's why i always find physics/math easier than lit. cuz it's either there or not there. no "if you argue your point correctly, as long as the marker can see it and can agree with it and it's not too far out of point and etc etc then it's fine". and i'm just quite sick of trying to read into anything now. cuz it seriously isn't the right time for this at all.

okay so that's all i have to say for now.

rejoice all the world!

2006-03-19T19:55:00.000+08:00

oh wow. the hols are almost over. what great news! no, actually i'm not really being sarcastic here, cuz sadly, holidays are always rather boring for me. i never really do anything during holidays, which is just quite sad. mostly i suppose, i'm just too drained after every term to really drag myself out to do things. or maybe i'm just too used to the routine of going to school that once it's taken away, there doesn't seem to be anything else left that i can do. or maybe it's the fact that i'm perpetually broke during the holidays, so i don't have much money to go out and do stuff. or maybe since i'm so loner and semi-anti-social, i always end up not bothering to drag people out with me.

well anyway, after all that rambling i suppose you can tell that i haven't done much during this holiday. which is true, in a sense. i could say i've spent some time repaying my sleep debt, but i don't suppose that really counts. i haven't been able to finish learning pamugun, unsurprisingly, since i spend most of the time sleeping anyway. haha. okay. this is turning out to be a very boring boring post. on the other hand, i did manage to buy a couple of shirts (thankfully they're not black =D) and had lunch on friday with a couple of old friends, which was really nice, since it really has been quite a while hasn't it.

[sidetrack a litte] i guess one of the problems i have is really keeping in touch with my friends. or not-really-friends. i can't really call them friends, because i get to know them for a while, then drift apart. i always have such an inability to hold on to relationships, for whatever reason, and i end up drifting through life without any real sense of companionship with others. maybe i'm just too tight with myself. maybe i just don't put in enough effort. which really makes me wonder sometimes, why doesn't the other person bother putting in the effort. people just drift in and out of my life, like guests in a hotel, some of them stay longer, some of them less, but they all move out eventually. and it's just. not really frustrating, i guess. cuz i don't seem really bothered by it, mostly, for some reason. but sometimes (like now) i just think about all those people i know who have such active friendships, always going out here or doing that there... and i wonder if i could ever be like that. instead of just sitting at home watching images flash across the tele (how brit is that expression =P) for hours upon hours, drifting off to unconsciousness. what it is like to really have a social life? okay this is getting depressing.

rand=

2006-03-07T21:27:00.000+08:00

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF)

You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.

You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.

You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.

In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.

At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.

With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.

As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.

On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

was going to blog about o2 but i'm kinda tired (hannah if you're reading this i didn't lie to you on the bus. i wasn't feeling tired then =P). maybe tmr or something. but there's fish and co tmr. so i might be even more tired. hehehe. vicious cycle. ok nvm. i'll find time soon mwahah.

never the sinner.

2006-02-27T00:37:00.000+08:00

really interesting play. it really makes you think about a lot of issues. it was basically about these two gays nathan and dick who killed and mutilated a 15-year-old kid bobbie franks. the play was basically about the murder and the trial, and it sought to explore the personal/psychological side of the two guys i suppose. morbidly disturbing. anw there was some discussion about justice and vengeance, and i really like what the defence lawyer said: "i can hate the sin all i want, but never the sinner." really really nice.

anw before the play i was sort of stuck in school (i didn't wanna go all the way home just to come all the way back again), and was trying to do physics extra questions. which was really bad cuz after 1 hr + i still couldn't get part 1(a). totally gave up after that (just fyi, i still haven't done it yet) and went to eat dinner. met zi zhong there, who said i was loner and should go and get a girl or something -_-. heh. was feeling quite inspired so i wrote a couple of poems (well i wrote three actually but i think the third one is kinda sketchy and needs some work) after eating and on the way to clark quay on the train.

Solitude
There's nothing wrong with solitude,
No problem with being alone.
While some may crave another's presence,
All I need is my own.

There's no harm in solitude,
A time to find some peace.
A chance to gain some inner calm,
And smooth a worried crease.

Though others seem to tug at me
With emotions true and strong,
I can't let go enough, and so
They slowly pass along.

For there's no harm in solitude
And no wrong in being alone.
While I may need another's presence,
Well, all I have is my own.

the poem seems kinda disjointed, and i suppose it does need work. but well. it was written in a rather depressive (well maybe that's just too strong a word) state, so yeah. anw here's the other one:

My Heart
My heart
must be invisible
(or myself
too opaque),
for everyone
i wish to give it to
never seems to see it.

seems rather angsty eh. well whatever larh haha. i guess i'm just going through a really moodswing-ish time now (well it seems like i've been going through this phase for like forever but yeah.)

YIN WEI GO HOME.

2006-02-20T20:59:00.000+08:00

i have no idea what the ppl in today's episode are doing. seriously. only the last guy can really sing properly. everyone else just has awful pitching and stupid song-choice. well the last guy had an odd kinda choice as well but at least he can sing. oh well. i think national talent shows are kinda sad.

xue hao is a jinx. whenever he makes a suggestion about where to go and i follow him, something bad happens to me. like last last thursday, when we went orchard and my wallet and phone got stolen (well my wallet turned up at lakeside mrt a few days later, sans my money and ezlink card), and again today, when we went to secret recipe and i broke the stupid cup thing that they use to hold sugar and creamer. haha k larh. i suppose i shouldn't blame him, i'm just commiting post hoc. but yeah. it feels better to blame someone else for my carelessness :P (well the wallet incident was really stupid cuz it got stolen in the span of like. less than 1/2 a min). anw i have learnt my lesson: never follow xue hao's suggetions! C: heh no larh. its just that i have to be more careful from now on. heh.

hmm. what else should i blog about. the no poker cards rule has been sort of semi-implemented again, which is kinda sad. cuz now our bridge-crazy class has nothing much to do during breaks and after school. of course it means that more time can be spent on more constructive things such as tutorials and other homework assignments lolx. i bet that was what the school was aiming for anyway. or maybe they just don't want the canteen to be so crowded after school (for what reason i have no idea)... after all, with this no cards before 5 rule everyone seems to go home and the canteen is just much more empty after like. 3.

okay that's all for now. just a note for all catholics attending jc out there, there will be a jc mass on the 24th at the SJI chapel at 630pm... all jc students are welcome to attend, so please do turn up. it'll be great.